Older Women Wear Lingerie Revisited
I wrote “Older Women Wear Lingerie” in 2009 about my photo shoot at age 65 with photographer Ruth Lefkowitz. It was a liberating experience, both during the shoot — I had no idea how much fun it would be to disrobe and flaunt my underwear in front of a camera! — and afterwards, when I viewed the photos.
Two years later, I knew I looked older. Grief ages us, and I could see it in my face. I had stopped coloring my hair. My skin was looser, more wrinkly. My thighs and fanny were bigger.
But I felt beautiful, because I’ve really internalized the message I keep communicating to you:
We don’t have to buy into our youth-obsessed society’s view that only young, firm, fertile bodies are sexy and alluring. We are beautiful, handsome, sexy at our age.
That statement is true for you, too, no matter how many wrinkles or extra pounds you see in the mirror. It doesn’t matter.
If you accept yourself, enjoy yourself, and feel sexy within, it will show.
Ready to walk my talk (or pose my talk, more accurately), I approached Ruth about doing a repeat of our photo shoot, with new lingerie, a new attitude, and two more years under my belt — I mean camisole.
She said yes. We did it two weeks ago.
Again, I loved the experience. We laughed, we romped, I posed, she clicked the camera.
I am delighted to share our photos with you today, on my 68th birthday.
If you live in Sonoma County, CA, and would like to talk to Ruth about doing your own lingerie photo shoot, please email me and I’ll forward your email to her.
As always, I welcome your comments! How would you feel about posing in lingerie?
Ruth Lefkowitz is fascinated by how the camera captures spirit, beauty and style in a magical instant. She especially enjoys photographing the female figure–a subject of art through the ages–to create images that capture and preserve a bit of a woman’s inner life. In her day job, Ruth is the chef and owner of Ruthy’s Real Meals, a high quality, organic and locally sourced meal delivery service in Sonoma County, CA.
Thank you, Rae
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| Rae Padilla Francoeur |
“It takes intention to keep movement and sexuality in our lives,” Rae Padilla Francoeur quotes me as saying in her insightful, sensitive, and generous profile, which she titles “Life lessons from a senior sexpert.”
Thank you, Rae, for the most amazing birthday present.
I love how Rae combines three parts of me that define who I am: my commitments to senior sex education, physical fitness, and endless learning. She captured my drive when she wrote about my recent trip to New York City, when I had the pleasure of staying with her and her love Jim,
The only time you weren’t working or making connections with others throughout the city was when I was talking or when you were sleeping.
Rae’s profile is such a heartfelt tribute that I want it read at my memorial service (not soon, please) and printed on a t-shirt.
I expect it would have to be in small print to fit on a t-shirt, especially my petite size, so I’m picturing grey-haired gents putting on their reading glasses and getting close to peer at my chest–a pretty nice fantasy for my 68th birthday today!
Speaking of t-shirts and chests, Rae and Jim gave me this “Naked at Our Age” t-shirt. At the time I took this photo, I was sitting outside a coffee shop in Ventura, CA, where I was visiting to present two workshops. I discovered that three men were staring at me. Flattered, I smiled and they looked away. Later I realized they were probably just trying to figure out what I meant by the message on my shirt.
If you’re not familiar with Rae’s work, I encourage you to read her erotic memoir, Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. I reviewed Free Fall in 2010 before I knew Rae personally. Our admiration of each other’s work led to a strong friendship.
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| Rae, Joan, and Jim Hicks |
Older women wear lingerie
10/23/2011 update: My goodness, two years after I originally wrote this post on 10/11/09, it continues to be the most often read! Hmmm. Ruth and I are actually planning an update — a new photo shoot this week, results to be posted as soon as they’re ready. My reasons are maybe the opposite of what you might think: No, I’m not fixing to show off a youthful body. Rather, I’ve aged a lot in the past two years, have stopped coloring my hair, and want to celebrate my authentic self by re-doing this photo shoot. Yes, I’m nervous. Of course I am. But if I keep insisting that we should stand up for what’s real at this age and celebrate our aging process, then I have to walk (or pose) my talk .
“I’m photographing real women in lingerie,” Ruth Lefkowitz of Ruthy’s Real Meals told me. “Would you be willing to model?”
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The wonderful people at HerRoom
Ruth was exuberant about what she called my “curves,” and when I expressed alarm that the sags, folds, and puckers would come to light, she reassured me that she was there to capture the beauty in real women. 
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Lingerie provided by HerRoom Lingerie We Buy For Ourselves
Spontaneity is Overrated — Especially at Our Age!
When I give my workshops, I always get startled looks from participants when I recommend that we schedule our sex time, even (especially!) when we’re in a long-term relationship. You tell me, “But sex should be spontaneous!”
At our age, we need more time for arousal, and that works best if our arousal time starts long before we’re fondling each other in bed. It starts with anticipation: looking forward to our time together, getting heated up on our own with our fantasy of what we’ll do together. It starts before we’re physically in the same room: leaving notes or text messages or voice mail or even just writing it on our calendar days in advance.
It starts with coming together non-sexually: talking together, bonding through laughter, and especially by doing something physical together: a walk, a bike ride, a yoga class, dancing in the living room. Doing something physical together makes us aware of our enjoyment of our own and each other’s bodies, and it gets the blood pumping, which makes for better sex later.
Besides, when have we ever really been spontaneous about sex? When we were young and just discovering sex, didn’t we anticipate it for days? Didn’t we prepare with fantasies and plans? Didn’t we (we girls, anyway) try on clothes, including underwear? Didn’t we shower and shave with care, even with relish, as we looked forward to being soft to the touch and sweet smelling with our lover? We’ve always prepared for sex!
Let’s celebrate the pleasures of our slower arousal by scheduling our special times!
Your thoughts?
