Thank you, Rae
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| Rae Padilla Francoeur |
“It takes intention to keep movement and sexuality in our lives,” Rae Padilla Francoeur quotes me as saying in her insightful, sensitive, and generous profile, which she titles “Life lessons from a senior sexpert.”
Thank you, Rae, for the most amazing birthday present.
I love how Rae combines three parts of me that define who I am: my commitments to senior sex education, physical fitness, and endless learning. She captured my drive when she wrote about my recent trip to New York City, when I had the pleasure of staying with her and her love Jim,
The only time you weren’t working or making connections with others throughout the city was when I was talking or when you were sleeping.
Rae’s profile is such a heartfelt tribute that I want it read at my memorial service (not soon, please) and printed on a t-shirt.
I expect it would have to be in small print to fit on a t-shirt, especially my petite size, so I’m picturing grey-haired gents putting on their reading glasses and getting close to peer at my chest–a pretty nice fantasy for my 68th birthday today!
Speaking of t-shirts and chests, Rae and Jim gave me this “Naked at Our Age” t-shirt. At the time I took this photo, I was sitting outside a coffee shop in Ventura, CA, where I was visiting to present two workshops. I discovered that three men were staring at me. Flattered, I smiled and they looked away. Later I realized they were probably just trying to figure out what I meant by the message on my shirt.
If you’re not familiar with Rae’s work, I encourage you to read her erotic memoir, Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. I reviewed Free Fall in 2010 before I knew Rae personally. Our admiration of each other’s work led to a strong friendship.
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| Rae, Joan, and Jim Hicks |
Older women wear lingerie
10/23/2011 update: My goodness, two years after I originally wrote this post on 10/11/09, it continues to be the most often read! Hmmm. Ruth and I are actually planning an update — a new photo shoot this week, results to be posted as soon as they’re ready. My reasons are maybe the opposite of what you might think: No, I’m not fixing to show off a youthful body. Rather, I’ve aged a lot in the past two years, have stopped coloring my hair, and want to celebrate my authentic self by re-doing this photo shoot. Yes, I’m nervous. Of course I am. But if I keep insisting that we should stand up for what’s real at this age and celebrate our aging process, then I have to walk (or pose) my talk .
“I’m photographing real women in lingerie,” Ruth Lefkowitz of Ruthy’s Real Meals told me. “Would you be willing to model?”
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The wonderful people at HerRoom
Ruth was exuberant about what she called my “curves,” and when I expressed alarm that the sags, folds, and puckers would come to light, she reassured me that she was there to capture the beauty in real women. 
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Lingerie provided by HerRoom Lingerie We Buy For Ourselves
Spontaneity is Overrated — Especially at Our Age!
When I give my workshops, I always get startled looks from participants when I recommend that we schedule our sex time, even (especially!) when we’re in a long-term relationship. You tell me, “But sex should be spontaneous!”
At our age, we need more time for arousal, and that works best if our arousal time starts long before we’re fondling each other in bed. It starts with anticipation: looking forward to our time together, getting heated up on our own with our fantasy of what we’ll do together. It starts before we’re physically in the same room: leaving notes or text messages or voice mail or even just writing it on our calendar days in advance.
It starts with coming together non-sexually: talking together, bonding through laughter, and especially by doing something physical together: a walk, a bike ride, a yoga class, dancing in the living room. Doing something physical together makes us aware of our enjoyment of our own and each other’s bodies, and it gets the blood pumping, which makes for better sex later.
Besides, when have we ever really been spontaneous about sex? When we were young and just discovering sex, didn’t we anticipate it for days? Didn’t we prepare with fantasies and plans? Didn’t we (we girls, anyway) try on clothes, including underwear? Didn’t we shower and shave with care, even with relish, as we looked forward to being soft to the touch and sweet smelling with our lover? We’ve always prepared for sex!
Let’s celebrate the pleasures of our slower arousal by scheduling our special times!
Your thoughts?
How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?
“How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?” is the title of a new workshop I just debuted in Milwaukee, and I’m ready to take it on the road! I discovered it needs to be a three-hour workshop because it covers so many topics, questions, and interactive discussion.
Here’s my description of the workshop:
How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?
You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward and downright weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating and avoid the pitfalls that send potential dates running in the other direction? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome; sense of humor helpful. Thirty million Americans age 55 and older are single, so welcome to the club with no rules! Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow trying to figure out how to date at her age – leads this workshop.
During this fun-filled workshop, you’ll create a list of the qualities you’re seeking in a date/lover/sweetheart/mate, because if you don’t know what you’re asking for, the answer is “no.” You’ll also write your profile, should you wish to pursue online dating. You’ll get plenty of information and honest (polite, but honest!) feedback about your dating situation (or lack of dating situation). By the end, you’ll have an action plan and plenty of food for thought. Bring paper and pen or a laptop — and a sense of humor!
“So where do I have to go to attend this workshop?” you ask. Ah, I don’t know yet. Invite me to come to your region to present it, or email me to put yourself on my contact list for an upcoming workshop in the San Francisco/ Santa Rosa, CA area.
10/11 addendum: For use in this workshop, I’m collecting online dating profiles (our age only) that are either terrific, appealing examples or awful, waste-of-space examples. If you encounter either, please copy it without identifying the person except by gender and age and email it to me privately. This isn’t about whether the person meets your personal taste requirements — just whether the profile is a great example of how to write one, or a terrible example that no one would want to answer. Again, do not identify the person even by handle or URL — this is not about embarrassing people, just giving us content to discuss.