Meet the Experts of Naked at Our Age
Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is unique because it presents real people, ages 50 to 80-plus, telling their stories and describing their sexual challenges, with immediately helpful tips and solutions from top sexuality educators, therapists, and medical professionals.
I am indebted to these experts for contributing their valuable advice. I encourage you to read their books and explore their websites to see what else they have to offer.
Isadora Alman, MFT is a board-certified sexologist, California-licensed relationship therapist, and author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex. Her Ask Isadora advice column has appeared in news weeklies worldwide for more than twenty-five years. Visit her website at www.askisadora.com.
Lori Anafarta, MA, LAMFT is the clinical director and founder of Beyond Diagnosis Counseling, LLC, in St. Paul and Forest Lake, Minnesota. Visit her website at www.BeyondDiagnosisCounseling.com.
Megan Andelloux is a board certified sexuality educator (AASECT) and sexologist (ACS), who lectures at colleges, works as a gynecological teaching assistant and runs The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI. Visit her website at www.ohmegan.com.
Charles (Chip) August is a Personal Growth and Couples Intimacy Coach, host of Sex, Love & Intimacy, an internet radio show, and author of Marital Passion: The Sexless Marriage Makeover. Visit his website at www.chipaugust.com.
Ellen Barnard, MSSW is a sex educator and counselor on topics of aging and sexuality, cancer and sexuality, and facilitating intimacy at the end of life. She is the co-owner of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Center, www.sexualityresources.com.
Libby Bennett, PsyD and Ginger Holczer, PsyD are clinical psychologists and coauthors of Finding and Revealing Your Sexual Self: A Guide to Communicating about Sex. Visit their website at www.psychobabbledocs.com.
Violet Blue is the author and editor of more than a dozen books on sexuality, including The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Women and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure. She is a sex educator who lectures at universities and community colleges. Visit her website at www.tinynibbles.com.
Sage Bolte, PhD, MSW, LCSW, OSW-C is an oncology counselor at Life with Cancer®, an Inova Health System service in northern Virginia. Visit the website at www.lifewithcancer.org.
Stephanie Buehler, PsyD is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist, and director of The Buehler Institute in Irvine, California. Visit her blog about sex and intimacy at www.theblogerotic.com.
Michael Castleman, MA is the author of twelve books, including Great Sex: The Man’s Guide to the Secrets of Whole-Body Sensuality and Sexual Solutions: For Men and the Women Who Love Them. Visit his website about sex after midlife, www.GreatSexAfter40.com.
Michele Cauch, MA, MSW is the executive director of Toronto-based SageHealth Network, www.sagehealthnetwork.com, an agency promoting seniors’ sexual health and positive aging. Visit her blog at www.seniorsex.blogspot.com.
Glenda Corwin, PhD, author of Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guide for Same Sex Couples, is a clinical psychologist providing gay-affirmative psychotherapy and sexual-intimacy workshops for women who partner with women. Visit her website at www.drglendacorwin.com.
Carol Denker is the author of Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50. Visit her website at www.autumnlove.org.
Barb DePree, MD is a women’s health provider specializing in menopause care in West Michigan. She founded MiddlesexMD to help women enjoy sexuality for life, offering clinically sound information, practical advice, and intimacy aids. Visit her website at http://middlesexmd.com/.
Jed Diamond, PhD, author of Male Menopause and Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome, is a psychotherapist working with men and women over forty. Visit his website at www.MenAlive.com.
Betty Dodson, PhD, artist, author, and sexologist, has been a voice for women’s sexual pleasure and health for more than three decades. Her books include Betty Dodson: My Sexual Revolution, Sex for One: the Joy of Selfloving, and Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex. Visit her website at www.dodsonandross.com.
Dossie Easton, a long time player on the San Francisco S/M scene, is coauthor with Janet Hardy of several books on BDSM, including The Ethical Slut and When Someone You Love Is Kinky. She is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice. Visit her website at www.dossieeaston.com.
Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, MSEd is a certified sex educator and the author of several books, including Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover, Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking, and The Hot Guide to Safer Sex. Visit her websites at www.yvonnekfulbright.com and www.sensualfusion.com.
Francesca Gentillé is a clinical sexologist, relationship counselor, and contributing author to The Marriage of Sex & Spirit. She hosts the Internet radio show, Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra. Visit her website at www.lifedancecenter.com.
Charlie Glickman, PhD is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations. He offers workshops and classes on a wide range of sexuality topics including sex-positivity, sex and shame, and sexual diversity and practices. Visit his website at http://www.charlieglickman.com/.
Joe Hanson is a life coach, grief and loss counselor, and the author of Soaring Into Acceptance: Moving through Change and Loss and into Acceptance. Visit his website at www.lifelessons.info.
Gerald Haslam is the author of eighteen books, including Grace Period, a novel about prostate cancer, and the editor of eight anthologies. Visit his website at www.geraldhaslam.com.
Ken Haslam, MD, leads workshops educating senior citizens to be comfortable about their changing sexuality. He is a ten-year polyamory activist who founded a collection of polyamory archives at the Kinsey Institute, Indiana University, Bloomington, Indiana.
Dr. David Hersh is clinical director of The Hersh Centre for Sexual Wellness. He is a sexologist, psychotherapist, and marital therapist in private practice, with offices in Calgary, Alberta; Nelson, British Columbia; and San Francisco, California. Visit his website at www.sexualwellness.ca.
Anne Katz, RN, PhD is the author of Woman Cancer Sex, Man Cancer Sex, and Breaking the Silence on Cancer and Sexuality: A Handbook for Health Care Providers. She is the sexuality counselor at CancerCare Manitoba in Canada. Visit her website at www.drannekatz.com.
Susan Kellogg Spadt, PhD, CRNP is a vulvovaginal pain specialist and Director of Sexual Medicine at the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute of Philadelphia, www.pelvicandsexualhealthinstitute.org.
Daniel Kuhn, MSW is Community Educator for the LIFE Institute of Rainbow Hospice and Palliative Care, based in Park Ridge, Illinois. He has authored or coauthored more than fifty publications, including Alzheimer’s Early Stages: First Steps for Family, Friends and Caregivers.
Erica Manfred, divorced at sixty, is the author of He’s History You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty. Visit her website at www.heshistory.com.
Michele Marsh, PhD is a certified sex therapist and licensed psychologist practicing at the Council for Relationships in Wynnewood and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She works with people of all ages and uses EMDR for trauma resolution.
Susana Mayer, PhD is a board certified clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality. Her Ageless Sex Life™ is a philosophy and program of techniques to assist with sexual drive/desire issues. Visit her website at www.SusanaMayer.com .
Laurie Mintz, PhD is a licensed psychologist, professor at the University of Missouri, author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship, [] and a tired woman who has regained her once-lost passion. Visit her website at www.drlauriemintz.com.
Loren A. Olson, MD is a board-certified clinical psychiatrist, recognized as a Distinguished Life Fellow by the American Psychiatric Association, and author of Finally Out. Visit his blog for mature gay men at www.magneticfire.com.
Lou Paget is the author of five books, including How to be a Great Lover and How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, translated into 28 languages; CEO of Frankly Speaking Inc.; an AASECT Certified Sex Educator; and a regular media expert on all things sexual. Visit her website at www.loupaget.com.
Carol Queen, PhD is a writer, speaker, educator, and activist with a doctorate in sexology. She is Staff Sexologist at Good Vibrations, and founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture. Visit her website at www.carolqueen.com.
Marnia Robinson, science journalist, is the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. Visit her website at www.reuniting.info.
Candida Royalle, known for pioneering the genre of woman-friendly erotic films and the Natural Contours line of intimate massagers, is the author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do. Visit her website at www.candidaroyalle.com.
Rebekah Skoor, MA, MS, iMFT is a professor of Sexuality Studies and Counseling in San Francisco, California. She also counsels individuals, couples, and families, specializing in relationships and healing from interpersonal trauma. Visit her website at www.rebekahskoor.com.
Jeane Taylor, LCSW, a psychotherapist in private practice in Santa Rosa, California, has been helping people for more than thirty years.
Tina B. Tessina, PhD, “Dr. Romance,” is a licensed psychotherapist and author of thirteen books, including How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free and The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. Visit her website at www.tinatessina.com and blog at http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog.
Yolanda (Landi) Turner, EdD is a therapist who specializes in online relationships. She is a professor at Eastern University (St. Davids, Pennsylvania) and Widener University (Chester, Pennsylvania). Visit her website at www.drlanditurner.com.
Rabbi Ed Weinsberg, EdD, DD, specializes in reigniting intimacy after cancer. He is a prostate-cancer survivor and author of Conquer Prostate Cancer: How Medicine, Faith, Love and Sex Can Renew Your Life with Robert Carey, MD. Visit his website at www.ConquerProstateCancer.com.
Diana Wiley, PhD is a board-certified sex therapist, clinical sexologist, marriage and family therapist, and gerontologist affiliated with the Seattle Institute for Sex Therapy, Education and Research. Visit her website at www.DrDianaWiley.com.
Myrtle Wilhite, MD, MS is a physician and epidemiologist who specializes in prevention strategies to help maintain sexual health and wellness. She is the co-owner of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Center, www.sexualityresources.com.
Mr. Evasive and the date that didn’t happen
A year ago, I knew I wasn’t ready to date yet (see grief posts), but I wanted to start getting social and meet new people. I was planning a week in New York City for a conference, so I decided to explore finding a few dates for my time there.
I joined OK Cupid and perused the NYC options. I emailed several.
Most weren’t interested in meeting with someone from across the country who wouldn’t be a relationship possibility, but a couple were intrigued. I ended up meeting one man for a gym workout and a walk. (Tthat’s my kind of date!) There were no sparks between us, but it was pleasant.
What I really want to tell you about is the date I did NOT have. I’ll call him Mr. Evasive.
Mr. Evasive’s profile was appealing and we had plenty in common — both writers, dancers, teachers, readers, exercisers. We had a jaunty exchange of emails, and finally agreed to meet during my trip. But he never gave me his real name (just his handle) or his phone number. Whoops. I kept asking.
Finally, I’m in NY and he’s emailing me plans for our meeting. I replied that he still hadn’t told me his full, real name, and that was a prerequisite for meeting.
He admitted that his profile was not completely honest. He shrouded anything identifiable because he needed privacy — he was “sort of famous” in his profession. He suggested that we meet in at Grand Central Station and he would produce ID and let me phone his workplace for confirmation. But only after we meet in person.
Here are excepts from his long response:
- I am older than my stated age.
- I’m better looking and better educated than I present myself, and younger in ways that matter.
- I am on a site that any felon can get on with any gender age or whatever, looking for ID’s to steal.
- What you write includes fun, instructive, examples of stories from real people. I do Not want to be one, OK?
My response? Exactly what you’d expect:
No, it’s not okay that you won’t give me your name until we meet (that’s completely against my personal requirements for dating, even for dating once). No, it’s not okay that you tell me you’ve posted lies but I should believe you. And I’m a professional writer who writes personal experience, so I don’t agree not to write about you if we meet. I think it’s best not to meet after all.
Now I’m planning another trip to NY in July — should I try again?
Andy, 44, turned on by women 60+
I often hear from younger men who tell me they desire older women.
Sometimes their emails are short and consist of abbreviations (hey, guys, emails to me shouldn’t read like a tweet!), which makes me wonder how they would handle a slow-burning, older woman.
Occasionally they invite me to share a romp–or, in one case, a shower. Sorry, fellows, I’m flattered, but I need to get to know (and like) a man first.
Usually, though, they’re the kind of reader emails that I love: respectful and earnestly trying to gain useful information or share a story. For example, I recently heard from Andy, age 44, a British man who gave me permission to share what he wrote me:
I am exactly the type of man you so often write about. When I was just 15, I would look at my mother’s friends and fantasize. Later on at night I would lie in bed and imagine making love to them. I would conjure up scenarios in my mind and imagine the spontaneity and excitement of it all.
As I get older, I find myself wanting women of 60-plus. My mates think I’m strange, weird – some even think I’m sick. But what turns me on is not so much their physical appearance but that they are so turned on themselves during the course of our love making.
I would far rather make love to a highly excited 60-year-old woman than a drop-dead gorgeous figure of 22 years who acts like a mannequin.
Right now, I am finding myself flirting with an older woman yet again. She is 70 and clearly very sexually frustrated. She flirts with me and has said in no uncertain terms if she was 30 years younger she would be “hitting on me real hard.” Wow – I got so turned on when she said that. I think something might happen soon.
I suggest he tell her, “You don’t need to be 30 years younger — you’re perfect the way you are!”
Anything you’d like to say to Andy?
For more posts about younger men/older women, click here.
Big Sex Little Death by Susie Bright: book review
Sex. Drugs. Rock and roll. If that were the whole story of Big Sex Little Death
But this brilliant memoir is much more, revealing Susie’s own childhood abuse and her commitment to social and political activism as a high school drop-out, the underbelly of the cultural/ sexual/ political movement, the heady thrill of working to make a difference in the world, and the bewilderment of being betrayed by the people she least expected to betray her.
I knew Susie Bright as a sexuality writer, but until this book from Seal Press, I had no idea how smart and deep she was. She’s the historian that the sixties need — a clear-eyed view of protesters, activists (many emotionally damaged), and those who went along for the ride.
Yes, there’s plenty of sex, too, but for much of the book, it’s body parts that go bump, devoid of passion, emotional connection, or even pleasure. That’s part of the sixties political and sexual “revolution” that we’re embarrassed to admit now: women were expected to have sex freely but we weren’t supposed to expect our partners to have any clue about satisfying us. Still, part of Susie’s fantasy was true, at least some of the time:
Women wouldn’t be catty. No one would bother to be jealous. Who would have the time? Sex would be friendly and kind and fun. You’d get to see what everyone was like in bed. You’d learn things in bed… Exclusivity would be for bores and babies.
Susie doesn’t glamorize the sexual/feminist revolution or gloss over the deep disillusions when women fought each other (she got death threats for her pro-pornography stance), betrayed each other, and, through it all, loved each other.
For me, the most interesting part of Big Sex Little Death was the story behind On Our Backs, the lesbian magazine that Susie co-founded. Before On Our Backs, female models, from fashion ads to male magazine centerfolds, “were shot the same way kittens and puppies are photographed for holiday calendars: in fetching poses, with no intentions of their own.” In contrast, “The great relief of dyke porn,” writes Susie, “was that all that went out the window. We had an objective on our minds… we had a sexual story to tell.”
I hope these snippets encourage you to read Big Sex Little Death for yourself — it’s an engrossing read, and guaranteed to be more than you expect.
FYI, my favorite line from the book: “My dominatrix friend Tina once told me, ‘I’m not spanking Republicans anymore. I’ve had it.'”
Have you read Big Sex Little Death? I invite you to comment!