Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions for 2018? I’m not talking about those tired (and usually abandoned) promises like go to the gym, stick to a budget, and stop junk food snacking. I’m talking about Sexy New Year’s Resolutions — changes and commitments that will give you a richer, more joyful sex life, especially at our age. And they’re fun to put into action!
You may know that I write a monthly “Sex at Our Age” column for Senior Planet. Usually I answer a reader’s question in this column, but occasionally I take a different path. This month, my Sexy New Year’s Resolutions offer you 14 tips and lifestyle changes that will make a huge difference if you follow them fully. Here are some examples. (Read the others here.)
Redefine Sex. Change your definition of sex to whatever activities arouse you and bring you sexual pleasure, partnered or solo. Embracing a new definition of sex expands your possibilities for pleasure. Read this account of one reader’s experience.
Track the Tingle. For quicker, easier, and more satisfying arousal, figure out what time of day you feel most sexually responsive. When you feel the “tingle” – that quiver of erotic possibility – set aside time to indulge yourself sexually or schedule that time on your next free day.
Self-Pleasure Frequently. Solo sex is real sex, and it’s good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Give yourself sexual pleasure, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You’re celebrating your body’s ability to give you exquisite pleasure.
Just Do It. This is for you if you enjoy sex when you do it, but you rarely feel desire in advance. You’re experiencing “responsive desire”: your desire follows physiological arousal instead of preceding it. So just do it, and your desire will kick in.
Exercise Before Sex. Increasing your blood flow with physical activity isn’t only good for the heart and muscles — it’s also good for sexual function and pleasure. One of the best things we can do to speed up arousal and orgasm is regular exercise, especially before sex.
Sex Before Food. Eating before sex sends the blood flow to your digestive system instead of your genitals. Have sex first, then eat. Sexual arousal will be easier, orgasms will be more reliable, and you will relish that meal afterward.
Use Your Words. Learning to talk about sex is the key to getting what you want. A long-term partner is likely to continue doing what used to work, even if it doesn’t work for you now, unless you redirect the action. A new partner wants to know how to please you. Speak up.
Have Sex More Often. Difficulty with arousal and orgasm is a good reason to have more sex, not less. The penis and the clitoris require blood flow for engorgement. The more you engage in stimulation – partnered or solo — the more easily the blood flows to the genitals.
Committing to a year of resolutions is daunting, I know. But did you know that it takes just three weeks to make or break a habit? So how about selecting two or three of these resolutions and committing three weeks to seeing how they work for you? Chances are you’ll want to keep doing them. Let me know!
I’m happy to be profiled on 50+Fabulous “where women 50+ years in age come together to share ideas and motivate one another to renew their sense of self, go after and achieve their dreams NOW, and turbo charge their lives,” says creator Patti Heisser. Patti interviewed me at length and wrote a marvelous profile titled “Watch Me!” — a theme of my life, for sure! — for the February “Love” issue, online now.
Here’s an excerpt:
… At 34, she had the first of two, nearly fatal, head-on collisions. When the doctors gave her the prognosis of a potential ability to walk, she countered with “I don’t care about walking, I want to dance!” You just know that, inside her head, she was saying, “Watch me!” ….
With her vast reservoir of energy, enthusiasm, intelligence and grit, and while continuing to teach, she embarked on a writing career. She wrote in the morning, taught during the day, taught aerobics after school, and then graded papers in the evening. After saving enough money to support herself for one year, she took a leave of absence, to see if she could sustain herself as a writer. She never looked back.
But she had another goal as well. When she was recovering from her accident, she saw many people who could move and chose not to…who led sedentary lives. She felt passionate about introducing people to the joy of movement. Predictably, she was told “You can’t make a living in the fitness industry.” And, by now you know what she said…”Watch Me!” She taught classes, became a motivational speaker, taught line dancing and published hundreds of articles and five health and fitness books, most recently The Anytime, Anywhere Exercise Book: 300+ Quick & Easy Exercises You Can Do Whenever You Want.
Then, on a rainy day, in the same month and just five minutes away from the location of her previous accident 16 years earlier, she got hit head-on again. With the same courage, and determination she lived, she healed, and she danced.
And, so did Robert…right into her life. At 57, Joan met the love of her life in her line dancing class, but it took nine months before they started dating. They were married four years later, she at 62, and he 69.
She discovered how great sex can be at 60+! But, when she also found the cultural taboos surrounding mature sex, she set out to change that too! She shares humor, experience, candid information and the stories of other 60+ women in her book Better Than I Ever Expected. Hmmm…you might just want to pick it up this