Note from Joan: Shamus MacDuff is the pseudonym of a 75-year-old retired university professor and author. Other than his name, he promises that everything he says about himself is true. His first guest post, “Great Sex Without Penetration: A Man’s View,” attracted so many readers and such positive response that when he offers additional posts, I quickly agree.
In the locker room at my gym, I overheard a 40-something guy complain to his buddy that his girlfriend insisted on using “a damned vibrator” that, in his view, kept “getting in the way of real sex.” I was tempted to interrupt and share a different story. I assert that more guys need to learn about the joys of sex toys, especially vibrators.
While a few vibrators are targeted specifically to provide stimulus and response to penises, a great many more kinds of sex toys exist. Most of these are designed especially (but not exclusively!) for clitorises and vaginas. It’s time to examine what these toys have to offer to penis owners, and to help guys like the fellow at my gym break out of the “penile colony” and begin to enjoy the myriad pleasures of a variety of sex toys.
For starters, most women cannot orgasm through penetrative vaginal sex alone, requiring arousal and stimulation of the clitoris. Vibrators are designed to provide exactly that stimulation, and it’s little wonder that women find them so desirable. If your partner loves her vibrator, that does not mean she doesn’t also love your touch. Rather, it indicates that she’s found the perfect combination of a partner and a vibrator to bring her to orgasm. Guys are not in competition with vibrators—they are our accomplices in giving joy and pleasure to our partners, a fact that the fellow in my gym had yet to understand. But there’s much more to this than meets the eye (or the clitoris), so let’s explore further.
It happens that vibrators work wonderfully on our male parts, too. During partner sex (of whatever form it takes), encourage your partner to apply her vibrator to your frenulum, your perineum, your nipples, or any other “turn on” spots that give you a happy buzz. A happy buzz is just what vibrators provide, often in a variety of patterns and speeds. You are sure to find several that will bring you to ecstasy more quickly than you thought possible. Once you do, you’ll then be vying with your partner for who gets “first dibs” on using the vibrator of choice. The fun and games during your partnered sex will be greatly enhanced for you both!
My partner introduced me to several delightful vibrators, and now these toys have also become a great addition to my solo sex practice. While the ones designed specifically for penises are very effective, I have found that many others, produced originally with vulvas in mind, are hugely satisfying during masturbation. Playing with vibrators almost certainly will convince you that they are our friends—true orgasm enhancement tools for guys as well as gals.
That conversation I overheard at my gym saddens me, because the speaker was clearly a prisoner of “the penile colony”—a believer that the only real sex is penis-in-vagina (PIV), with an unfortunate primary focus on his own pleasure rather than on increasing hers. Vibrators offer fun and innovative ways to break out of that unhappy mental prison, allowing us guys to recognize and experience the full panoply of delights that sex toys can provide to penises as well as clitorises. Give ‘em a try—you won’t be disappointed!
[Read other posts by Shamus MacDuff here.]