Posts by Joan Price
Why is Sex Better After 50?
If you’re over 50, how is sex better now than in your youthful decades? I don’t mean just the physical part of sex — also your emotional response, ease of communication, less fear, less self-consciousness? I’d love to hear from you.
I asked this on my Naked at Our Age Facebook page, which I hope you’ll visit and “like.” We so often hear aging discussed in terms of what we lose, what hurts, what doesn’t work anymore, what is falling away. But on the glass-half-full side, aging is filled with changes that are beautiful and fulfilling. My question aimed to elicit some of those thoughts, and indeed that happened. Here are some excerpts from readers’ comments:
- Enjoying. Embracing every single moment and soaking it all in. Losing all the inhibitions, life is short and here to be lived. It’s no longer a race but a truly pleasurable shared experience.
- It’s all about the communication. I feel comfortable expressing what I like and talking all about sex.
- Openness, adventure, self acceptance, passion.
- I think by the time you’re in your 50s, you’ve established what you enjoy in a sexual relationship. A person knows what their partner likes, responds to and gives back. In youth you just wing it.
- Not selfish.
- Touch is an integral part of the experience for me and I teach my partner how to touch me and where and I do the same for him. I’m much more excited about exploring than I ever was in my younger days. Yes, much fewer inhibitions especially around my body and my body image. I’m less concerned with having an orgasm (because I can get that on my own) and much more focused on enjoying all the sensations.
- Discovered that trust on all levels is a major aphrodisiac.
- Sex in my 70s is relaxed, playful, fun, unhurried, experimental, and made wonderful by open, easy, frank communication with my partner about what we each do and don’t like. Feelings of closeness and trust form significant parts of the overall experience, and our orgasms are happily extended as we pleasure one another without stress or anxiety or rush. Now is the best age in my entire life for uncomplicated, completely happy, and totally delightful sex!
I hope you’ll want to comment and add your thoughts.
Pocket Pulse – New Pleasure for Your Penis
2023 update: This model is no longer available.
If you’ve read the raves about the Pulse “guybrator,” but buying one didn’t fit your budget, this is your lucky day. The Pocket Pulse is a smaller, modified, affordable model. At the time of this writing, The Pulse III Solo oscillates and costs $119 from Hot Octopuss; the Pocket Pulse vibrates and costs $85.
But does the Pocket Pulse work as well as the bigger models? I asked Shamus MacDuff, age 74, to take it for a ride (or two or three or ten). Did he like it? Oh, yeah. Here’s what he had to say:
The Pocket PULSE
Reviewed by Shamus MacDuff
The Pocket Pulse is a keeper, and the more I use it, the more I love it.
It’s a delightful adjunct to solo masturbation, Think of it as a sex toy for penises comparable to the many sex toys for vulvas that focus on the clitoris. A tool for your tool!
I’ve tried the Pulse III solo, and believe it or not, I prefer the Pocket Pulse. Both produce plenty of vibration on the frenulum but the kind of vibration differs. I especially like that the Pocket Pulse has a vibrating “gripper” across the top that when squeezed down stimulates the ridge of the cock from above.
When I first tried it, I didn’t use any lube (my mistake!), and I think I anticipated that it would give me more of a jolt than it did. Then I added water-based lube, which greatly increased the buzz and the pleasure. (I know, I should have read the directions — “use plenty of lubricant” — but the print is minuscule and instructions seemed intuitive.) Adding lube greatly heightened the erotic feeling and led me towards a crescendo.
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Pulse III + Pocket Pulse |
The Pulse III worked either stroking or just holding it in place over my frenulum. The Pocket Pulse, though, requires stroking. Not a problem once I learned I needed to rub it up and down my shaft instead of holding it there. Then Waiting for Godot turned into Rushing Towards Nirvana.
The Pocket Pulse is waterproof and thus very easy to clean or enjoy in the shower. (It would be interesting to use it in the pool, but I don’t think my health club would like that.)
I enjoyed it solo, but a big turning point for me was when my sex partner stimulated me with it to an explosive and deeply satisfying orgasm. Hence it is an excellent sex toy for both solo and partnered delight. Also it holds a charge for a long time. Bravo to Hot Octopuss!
[Read other posts by Shamus MacDuff here.]
Note from Mr. MacDuff’s sex partner:
You’d think a 74-year-old man would take quite a while to reach orgasm (I’m not complaining, just observing), but not when the Pocket Pulse enters the action! Put it on (whether he’s erect or not), turn it on, squeeze for intensified contact, stroke, turn up the vibrations, match the rhythm of his thrusts, and it’s orgasm time. If your guy likes hand stimulation but you have wrist arthritis — or even if you just enjoy giving him a quickie — the Pocket Pulse may become your best friend!
See reviews on this blog of other Pulse penis vibrators:
Pleasure Yourself
It’s almost Valentine’s Day 2018. Couples are planning their romantic dinners and getaways. But we’re not all coupled: there are 19.5 million singles over 65 in the U.S.*
If you don’t have a partner today, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have sex with the person who knows you the best: yourself.
Self-pleasuring is delicious sex, and it doesn’t matter how old we are, whether or not we have a partner, if arousal and orgasms are easy or challenging for us, or we grew up thinking that masturbation was shameful. Staying sexual is within our own power.
I hope you’ll read my 2016 blog post, “Solo Sex is Real Sex,” featuring Jeffrey Dean Morgan (sort of) and my “Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex” for Senior Planet.
Here are some of my favorite quotes about solo sex:
- “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” — Lily Tomlin
- “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm.” — Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, 1953
- “We know that more than 70 to 80 percent of women masturbate, and 90 percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.” — Joycelyn Elders, former U.S. Surgeon General.
- “How to have sex with friends, lovers, wives, husbands all begins and ends with Masturbation.” — Betty Dodson (dubbed “the Mother of Masturbation”), age 88.
- “If God didn’t want us to masturbate, we wouldn’t have been given these long arms.” — Dan Savage in a recent Savage Lovecast episode.
- “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.” —Audrey Hepburn
If you’re dating or ready to date, I invite you to enjoy my lively new, free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors“! Learn how to eroticize safer sex, how to choose the right condom size, even how to put a condom on a soft penis! Let me know what you learn and what you think.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my new newsletter here — a new issue is coming soon. Instead of having to chase me all over the Internet, I’ll come to your inbox occasionally (roughly monthly) with interesting senior sex news, views, practical tips, and special offers just for my mailing list.
Thanks for being a part of my community!
* I don’t have current stats for the over-50 population, but I’m looking.
(In case parts of this post sounds familiar, some sections originally appeared on my blog on Feb. 14, 2016.)
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
Reviewed by
Mac Marshall
I’m a heterosexual man in my early 70s who’s spent my entire adult life in two monogamous marriages. My wife died recently, and suddenly I found myself a widower embarked on a voyage of self-discovery while adrift in a tumultuous sea of relationships. I don’t wish to remarry, but I definitely do want sexual intimacy and joyful connections with women. How to find these?
I’ve discovered Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Her book provides a wealth of helpful background on the full range of non-monogamous relationships, and is at once both informative and inspiring.
Taormino covers all genders in all combinations with many examples. She discusses the myths surrounding monogamy (myths I understand only too well), the pros and cons of open relationships, and the range of such connections from partnered non-monogamy to swinging, to polyamory, and polyfidelity. All of these styles of non-monogamy share the basic premise that “one partner cannot meet all their needs and they may want to have sex or a relationship with someone other than their current partner.” Instead of hiding it, they “bring this fact out into the open.”
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| Tristan Taormino |
Taormino emphasizes that open relationships only work when these significant elements are present: self-awareness and self-discovery, mutual consent, good communication skills, clear boundaries, honesty, trust, fidelity, and commitment. She addresses issues of possessiveness, control, and jealousy—widely associated with monogamy—emphasizing the importance of relinquishing and overcoming these for non-monogamous relationships to succeed.
She devotes an entire chapter to the idea of compersion as the flip side of jealousy: “compersion is taking joy in your partner’s pleasure or happiness with another partner.” Taormino notes, “Jealousy is a learned behavior. The first step to achieving compersion is to work on unlearning jealousy—letting go of feelings of insecurity, possessiveness, and fear.” While compersion may not be crucial to a functional open relationship, she argues that it is “bound to enhance your relationship.”
I have sufficient self-insight in my 70s to recognize that non-monogamy offers me a path forward toward sexual closeness, non-possessive happiness, and mutual commitment without the encumbrances of marriage and exclusivity. My challenge is to find others who share this perspective and who possess the requisite maturity, self-awareness, communication skills, and commitment to honesty to make a consensual non-monogamous relationship work. Like me, I think that others of you will find Taormino’s Opening Up of great help in charting a course as we venture forth on this journey.
Mac Marshall, PhD is a retired anthropology professor, researcher, and author who is delighted to explore sexuality studies at this time of his life.