Posts by Joan Price
This Thing We Call Sex by David Steinberg: book review
David Steinberg has compiled a brilliant book of essays and erotic photographs in This Thing We Call Sex: A Radically Sensible Look at Sex in America.
Steinberg, now 71, has been writing about sex since 1985 and photographing couples being sexual at home since 1999. In This Thing We Call Sex, he describes many types of sexual awakenings and insights: his first swing party; his first sexual encounter with a trans woman, where he discovered how much he’s turned on by a woman possessing both feminine energy and a penis; the gift of a gang bang for his partner’s 52nd birthday; learning to slap a woman he loved because it excited her; and much more. Through Steinberg’s candor and beautifully crafted writing, I felt I was getting more than a window into his views and activities — I was experiencing them myself.
Steinberg grew up in the same era I did. We came of age when sexual repression was the norm, and we were foot soldiers in the sexual revolution (though I was far less adventurous, even in what I considered my wilder days). In 1963, when both he and I were in college, “rumblings of sexual change could be heard on the cultural landscape if you listened really hard, but they were distinctly muted to say the least.”
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| David Steinberg |
Steinberg puts his experiences and reflections in the context of discovering our sexuality despite our society’s sex-negative view. Sexual acceptance has improved greatly since we were growing up, but sex negativity still persists. We’re shamed for wanting what we want, called perverts and worse if what we like is outside the very small box of what society condones. Here, I’ll let him say it his own way:
- “Who are we. really, when it comes to sex? Do we ever really get to know the full range and depth of our sexual desires and possibilities for pleasure? If we could strip away the rules, the moralizing, the early antisexual childhood training, the internalized raised eyebrows, what might we find of ourselves underneath?”
- “Sex is such a powerful and unpredictable arena for psychic discovery; it’s no wonder it scares us to death. When we let the proprieties drift out the window, when we face our individual menageries of urges and desires without the referees of reason and reasonability, we are apt to uncover the most surprising and disconcerting things about ourselves — things we don’t even begin to understand, things we may well not want to acknowledge.”
- “We are told repeatedly, and we come to believe … that if we acknowledge, honor, and embrace the erotic impulses of our sensual selves we will destroy the order in our world and be cast into chaos. This terrifies us. We turn against desire itself, against our erotic impulses and feelings, as well as the erotic expressions of others. we set ourselves the task of keeping the erotic down at all cost.”
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| Copyright (c) David Steinberg, 2000 |
And the photos! Deliciously erotic and intensely personal photos of faces smiling, grimacing, laughing in ecstasy; intimate gazes; entwined bodies. The diversity of the people in the photos is startling because it’s so rare. As David told me in an email interview,
One of the core statements that I hope my
photographs of people being sexual makes is that we all can be vibrant, alive,
sexy, sexual people, despite the cultural biases that would restrict that
appreciation to people who are young, thin, physically fit, etc. I make a point
of including as wide a range of subjects as possible, including people of all
ages, body types, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, gender identities,
and sexual proclivities. I have photographed people ranging in age from 19 to
75, from 90 to 300 pounds, and over a dozen couples that include someone with a
physical disability.
Hopefully, when people see my photographs they think,
“Oh, look, this is someone like me being wonderfully sexual,” rather
than seeing someone whose sexuality confirms all the insecurities and self-doubts
that we are encouraged to have about ourselves almost from birth.
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| Copyright (c) David Steinberg, 2007 |
I’m a sex geek — I’m fascinated by all things sexual, and I love learning about how people think and express themselves sexually. In this book, Steinberg educates and fascinates me. I wholeheartedly recommend This Thing We Call Sex to my fellow sex geeks.
Book Roundup #1: Interviews with Arlene Schindler, Lynn Brown Rosenberg, and J.F. Silver
Arlene, describe your book and what led you to write it:
Midlife was freeing for me. My novel explores relationship possibilities for single women past 50. I used to say, “My dating pool is so small, soon it will be a shot glass.” If I was lucky, a love connection would last about as long as a good haircut. I knew others felt the same. I wanted to shout out the absurdities of these experiences with a madcap, defiantly spirited outlook.
Why would my readers want to read The Last Place She’d Look?
Arlene Schindler Women of a certain age become invisible in our culture. In reality this is the time of life when we become bolder, braver and more adventurous. We’re peaking, and no one is looking. Exploring why we should be noticed, my novel exposes our desires, passions and relationships.
What drew you to write a story about a woman finding herself attracted to other women on her fiftieth birthday?
Too many women think that if they are not with a man, their life is incomplete. Yet friendships we have with other women grow deeper with maturity. A possible alternative for a world of lonely women who’ve been influenced by outmoded values and religious beliefs, but hungry for appreciation, is being responsive and open to deeper, intimate experiences with women whom we know, love, and admire.
Lynn, describe your book and what led you to write it:
My Sexual Awakening at 70 is about my search for sexual freedom at a later age, and at the same time an exploration of my past and the effect that decades of repression had on me. Despite that upbringing, midway through my journey, I was having the best, most exciting time! I realized I couldn’t be the only woman who had a distressing sexual education or no sexual education, and I thought it could help others.
Why would my readers want to read your book?
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| Lynn Brown Rosenberg |
It is a roller-coaster life about my search for love, self-confidence, creative expression and sexual expression that will resonate with other women of our age. Men also enjoy my book because it gives them hope for the future, and helps them understand women better. Plus, it has erotic stories in it that both men and women can get pleasure from, individually or together!
How has your life changed after writing this book?
It has opened up a whole new world for me. I am now speaking about my journey, writing articles, doing podcasts, writing a monthly column for XBiz.com, and most of all, I love that I’m connecting with people who tell me they’ve been inspired and empowered by hearing me speak or reading My Sexual Awakening at 70.
J.F., describe the Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe series:
Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe is an erotic series about discovering new pleasures later in life. Joe and Elaine are baby boomers and empty nesters with a healthy sexual appetite. They had fantasized about inviting others into their bed, and one night the scenario presents itself in a ménage with another woman. From here it becomes a polyamorous tale of two sexually adventurous couples. There are three books available and a fourth releases in November 2015.
What led you to begin writing erotica?
I didn’t start writing until I turned 50, nine years ago, when I wrote my first erotic story as a birthday gift for my wife of 30 years. After receiving that first story, my wife began feeding me plot lines and to this day remains my inspiration and muse. Writing hot, arousing tales for my wife turned into a crazy and secret hobby!
How did this “secret hobby” develop into a published series?
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| J.F. Silver |
About three years ago, we decided to try publishing them. It was a challenge to find a publisher interested in an erotic story about a couple in their fifties, but we did it. Before we’ll write it, it has to work for us. Being a male author in a field dominated by women, my wife helps me keep the stories “women friendly.”
Joan’s Events In Australia
9/6/2015: I’m in Australia meeting with groundbreaking sex educators and activists who are dedicated to the goal of sexual pleasure and sexual rights for everyone through the life span. I’ve been invited to speak at seven (7!) events in Melbourne, Sydney, and Bendigo. They’re listed on my events page, and I’m copying them here for your convenience. If you’re in or near one of these cities, please come meet me! Special thanks to the inaugural Let’s Talk about Sex conference for making this happen!
Monday, September 7, 7-9 pm: Ask Us About Sex after 50! with Joan Price and Linda Kirkman at Hares and Hyenas, 63 Johnston Street, Fitzroy, Victoria 3065, Australia. Yes, sex after 50, 60, 70 and beyond has its challenges: health issues, a solo life, the predictable sex that comes with longtime relationships, discomfort with changing bodies, lack of desire, dating at our age. But sex after midlife can also be hot and joyful if we learn, adapt, and explore what works for us. Let’s throw out the stereotypes and the old expectations that may not serve us anymore. We’ll cover relationship diversity, sexual health, fitting bodies together when they don’t function or feel like they used to, and much more. Joan and Linda will debunk the myths, answer your questions, and send you home new tools, techniques, and attitudes to help you experience sizzling and satisfying sex — with or without a partner. If you are over 50, or you plan to be, or you work with the older population, you’ll get your questions answered in this lively presentation. Tickets $25AUD/$20AUD in advance, or $30AUD at door.
September 8-9, 2015: Joan Price is a keynote speaker for the inaugural conference Let’s Talk About Sex at the Pullman Melbourne on the Park, 192 Wellington Parade, Melbourne VIC 3002, Australia. Sponsored by Alzheimer’s Australia Vic and Council of the Aged. The inaugural Let’s Talk About Sex Conference aims to challenge many of the assumptions, taboos and stereotypes when it comes to older people and sexual intimacy. The failure to acknowledge sexuality and ageing has left many older people deprived of their right to a satisfying and fulfilling sex life. This Conference will promote discussion that aims to improve the health and emotional wellbeing of older people through recognition of their rights to sexual expression. It will challenge society’s failure to acknowledge sexuality and ageing. Topics such as sexual and gender diversity, sexual consent and sexuality among people with cognitive impairment will be discussed as we highlight the importance of relationships and intimacy as we age. It will also address the challenges encountered by carers in residential and community care.
September 10, 2015, 12:45-1:45 pm: Joan Price: Naked at Our Age at the Wheeler Centre, 176 Little Lonsdale St., Melbourne Victoria 3000 Australia. ‘If you want your sexual exuberance to match mine three decades after age 40, start listening to your elders’. That’s the advice American author Joan Price gave to Miley Cyrus in a 2013 open letter, after Cyrus announced that over-40s don’t have sex. In 2011, Price wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking out loud about senior sex, which explored the 
challenges, delights, surprises and frustrations of sex for older people. The book was praised for its warmth and humour as well as its practical, no-nonsense advice. Price will talk about sex – and seniors – with Australian sex therapist, educator and media commentator Cyndi Darnell. Join us for a candid, funny, grown-up and possibly sexy conversation. Free, reservations recommended.
Mon., Sept. 14, 2015, 5:30-7:30 pm, Ask Us About Sex after 50! with Joan Price and Linda Kirkman at Visual Arts Centre, 21 View St., Bendigo, Vic 3550, Australia. Yes, sex after 50, 60, 70 and beyond has its challenges: health issues, a solo life, the predictable sex that comes with longtime relationships, discomfort with changing bodies, lack of desire, dating at our age. But sex after midlife can also be hot and joyful if we learn, adapt, and explore what works for us. Let’s throw out the stereotypes and the old expectations that may not serve us anymore. We’ll cover relationship diversity, sexual health, fitting bodies together when they don’t function or feel like they used to, and much more. Joan and Linda will debunk the myths, answer your questions, and send you home new tools, techniques, and attitudes to help you experience sizzling and satisfying sex — with or without a partner. If you are over 50, or you plan to be, or you work with the older population, you’ll get your questions answered in this lively presentation. Tickets $20AUD/$15AUD. For more info, email Linda Kirkman.
Wed., Sept. 16, 2015, 6:30-8:30 pm, What Your Clients are NOT Asking You about Sex: Talking About Senior Sex for Medical Professionals and Therapists, presented by the Society of Australian Sexologists. About half of all sexually active men and women aged 57 to 85 in the United States report at least one bothersome sexual problem; one third report at least two. Yet only 38 percent of men and 22 percent of women reported having discussed sex with a health professional since the age of 50. Why this information barrier? What can you, as professionals, do to overcome it with your patients and clients? Joan Price shares their changing sexual needs, problems, and fears, and what they wish their doctors, therapists, and other professionals and educators would help them resolve. Joan will address the ‘extra mile’ that sex therapists can go in helping their clients/patients. Venue: Level 3, 50 York Street, Sydney, Australia. $20AUD for SAS Members; $30AUD for non-members. RSVP sas-nsw@societyaustraliansexologists.org.au or drop-in.
Mon., Sept. 21 and Tues., Sept. 22, 2015, 7-9 pm: Great Sex after Fifty: two workshops with Joan Price, author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex after 50. Sydney’s Max Black presents author and educator Joan Price (USA) appearing in-store at Max Black 264 King St, Newtown NSW 2042, Australia, for two very special workshops designed to help you navigate the world of sex, dating and relationships after 50. These intimate and fun workshops will give you the chance to ask questions and get answers. Tickets: $20AUD here. Please arrive at 6:45 and settle in with a glass of champagne.
- Sept. 21: Ask Me, I’ll Tell You: Talking Out Loud about Sex & Aging: Sex after 50 – the challenges, pleasures and answers to all the questions we don’t think we can ask out loud. Sex has changed but it can still be spicy and very satisfying, with the right information. An eye-popping, interactive, empowering mixed-gender workshop designed to help you have great sex after 50, 60, 70 & beyond.
- Sept. 22: How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? Dating after 50 can feel awkward & weird. What are the guidelines? Should you lie about your age? How do avoid pitfalls & handle rejection? What about safer sex with a new person? Whether you’re widowed, divorced or a longtime single this fun workshop will be illuminating, plus you’ll find out how others our age meet & mate.
MiMi Soft: Cushy Tip Vibrator
Many of us like strong vibrations, but we don’t like a hard toy pressing against our increasingly delicate genitals. A vibrator that presses against the clitoris with a bit of cushioning is just right, and the new MiMi Soft Rechargeable Waterproof Vibrator by Je Joue from Good Vibrations does exactly that.
The vibrator is firm and smooth, ABS plastic covered with a layer of silicone except that the tip is soft and cushy. Thank you, Je Joue. You have to press the tip hard against you to feel the “give” of it, but that’s often a natural action anyway as arousal rises. The soft tip makes the MiMi Soft an improvement over the original MiMi. I liked that one, but this one wins hands down… or hands on.
The MiMi Soft is smooth and tiny enough (3 1/2″ long x 2 1/4″ wide x 1 1/4″ thick) to fit in the palm of your hand. If you’re using it with a partner, it fits easily between two bodies without getting in the way. It’s completely waterproof for use in the tub or shower, which is a delight.
MiMi Soft has five vibration settings and it’s supposed to have six patterns. I don’t care about patterns — I prefer steady and strong — so I didn’t even notice that center button that controls the patterns didn’t work on mine. I’ve read other reviews and never read about that issue, so I’ll have to assume that this was just a problem with mine. (If I cared about it, of course Good Vibrations would replace it.)
I complained about the strength it took to press the buttons of the original MiMi, and although this one isn’t as difficult, it still needs pressure. When your fingers are lubed up, it’s impossible to feel the difference between the “+” and the “-” buttons, so you might have to grab your reading glasses and memorize which side is which so you don’t accidentally turn it down when you’re trying to turn it up.
Charging is easy with the magnetic charger. Plug it in, charge it for two hours or less, and you’re good to go with no cords in your way.
Is it strong enough? You know me — I like really strong vibrations. This one is not as strong as my favorite vibrators, but it does pack a punch for its size and the vibrations feel really good, less buzzy than most. For those of us who travel, the size is right!
Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me the MiMi Soft Rechargeable Waterproof Vibrator in return for an honest review. Right now it comes with a free silky blindfold.
