Posts by Joan Price
Prostate Play for Pleasure and Health
questions you thought you couldn’t ask anybody. I interviewed Charlie Glickman by email on topics of particular interest to our age group:
Q: What are the benefits of prostate play for a man over 50, particularly?
CG: Besides the fact that it can feel amazing, there are a few great reasons to try prostate play. First, it gives you new possibilities and choices when it comes to sex. A lot of folks go their whole lives having sex in more or less the same way, which is rather like eating the same food all the time. If it works for you, great! But if you’d like to try something new, it’s a really fun option.
Second, a lot of men find that prostate play really is the male G-spot. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of pleasing your partner with G-spot play, imagine how much fun you and your partner can have when you reverse that.
In addition, there are some important possible health benefits. I should stress that these haven’t been scientifically proven, mostly because there’s not a lot of funding for this kind of thing. But many men have shared their stories and there do seem to be some patterns. Massage increases blood flow, which helps bring oxygen to your cells and keeps them healthy. And since prostate massage can be sexually arousing, that increases circulation even more! It also helps relieve muscle tension in the pelvic floor.
A lot of people, especially men, have tight pelvic muscles, which can lead to mobility difficulties and even prostatitis, an inflammation of the prostate that can be caused by muscles squeezing the gland. Massage reduces that. Prostate massage can also break up biofilms, which are a protective coating that bacteria can form, much like plaque on your teeth. By breaking them up, massage helps your body’s defenses protect you.
And lastly, prostate massage gives you greater awareness of your prostate, so if you get an infection, you’ll notice it sooner and get treatment.
Since about 50% of men at age 50 have an enlarged prostate, they might have difficulty urinating or have the urge to urinate frequently, especially at night. Massage can reduce those symptoms, though most men find they need to keep doing it regularly. If you prefer to do it solo, an Aneros Prostate Massager is perfect for hands-free massage. How often can you do something that’s good for you and feels great?
Q: How does prostate play enrich sex if erections are undependable?
CG: Exploring sexual pleasures that don’t depend on erections gives you many more choices when you want to have sex. And since one reason erections can be tricky is that stress and anxiety interfere with them, knowing that you don’t have to have an erection to have fun can actually make erections easier. So by helping men let go of their worries around erections, prostate play opens up lots of new directions.
Q: How can a man suggest prostate stimulation to his female partner if he fears she will think anal play is “gross” or “dirty”?
CG: Fear of “the mess” is one of the big three concerns we heard from men and their partners when we wrote The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure. Contrary to a lot of myths, the rectum (the last several inches of the digestive system) isn’t a “holding tank.” In general, there won’t be much there until you have that “gotta go to the bathroom” feeling. If your diet doesn’t have enough fiber or if you take a medication that affects your digestion, there might be a small amount left behind, but it’s easy to take care of that with an enema.
Enemas aren’t hard to do, but there are some tips for making them work better. Check out this page on our website for some suggestions. And of course, we have lots more to offer in the book.
Q: As you speak to audiences about your book, what questions/ concerns/ stories keep coming up for our older age group?
CG: It varies a lot. Many older men have come to see how stereotypical definitions of masculinity are holding them back in their lives and are ready to explore new ways of defining who they are. These guys are often more willing to explore anal play and prostate pleasure without letting those notions get in the way. On the other hand, other men are still very locked into these beliefs, which often keeps them from discovering how much fun prostate play can be. So we hear stories from both ends of that spectrum.
Q: I imagine you also encounter negativity from some. What keeps you going?
CG: Knowing that right now, somebody is having a great time because of our book is a huge inspiration. I don’t think anything works for everyone, so the fact that there are some negative responses isn’t a big deal. I know how many people we’ve reached and who have told us that the book has changed their sex lives. And that’s amazing.
Charlie Glickman PhD is a sexuality speaker, trainer, writer, blogger, and coach. He’s certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and has been working in this field for over 20 years. His areas of focus include sex & shame, sex-positivity, queer issues, masculinity & gender, communities of erotic affiliation, and many sexual & relationship practices. Charlie is the co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners. Find out more about him at www.charlieglickman.com or on Twitter and Facebook.
The Ageless Erotica Revolution by Donna George Storey
Behind every story, there’s a story (and, in this case, a “Storey.”) Donna George Storey, who wrote “Invitation to Lunch” for Ageless Erotica, shares what it meant to her to contribute to Ageless Erotica, and her insights about the importance of this anthology.– Joan
I’ve been publishing erotic fiction for over 15 years, but “Invitation to Lunch,” my maiden erotic memoir that appears in Ageless Erotica, is one is one of the most satisfying pieces I’ve ever written.
Why? Because it has given me the chance to tell the truth about enjoyable sex between two 50-something people who’ve been married for 27 years.
On the face of it, what’s the big deal? All memoirs describe real experiences. Yet a careful look at the portrayal of sexuality in our culture shows that positive descriptions of mature sexuality are extremely rare. I’ve been hesitant to try it myself. Without question, Ageless Erotica will help redress that lack.
However, I believe the impact of this book is even more revolutionary. By busting apart the myths about sexuality for older people, we question the stereotypes that hinder us at every age. Writing erotica is all about steamy images and sensibilities, so I consider it a professional duty to pay attention to the media’s presentation of sex. I see three major “acceptable,” but limiting, ways to discuss sexuality today.
- The most ubiquitous: idealized visual images of gorgeous models and actors in advertisements, Hollywood movies and pornography. These images are invariably tied to consumption of some sort—buy this product and be satisfied like these demi-gods, if only for the moment. How many 20-year-olds can claim to experience the air-brushed,
contrived, and absurdly short encounters so familiar in the visual
media? Even in my supposed nubile prime, I felt compelled to compare
myself to Hollywood perfection and came up lacking. - The “scientific” journalistic report, which tends to focus on social and physical problems, neuroses and diseases. The focus here tends to be on promiscuity in the young and sexual boredom or dysfunction for older married couples.While we’re all curious about the latest sex survey or specialist’s
view of “normal” sexuality, quantitative and expert measures can never
capture the complexity of our unique personal experience. - Erotica and erotic romance, an extremely popular genre. Yet the majority of these stories are fantasies, standing in stark contrast to what we do in our ordinary lives. While there are hardly any positive images of older people enjoying erotic pleasure in this mix, the sad truth is that there are few positive, realistic images for anyone of any age. Erotic stories can be arousing, but there are limitations to consuming someone else’s ideas of what is sexy. Aren’t the most powerful sexual experiences fearlessly created from the heat of our own passion and imagination?
Every time someone has the courage to reveal her genuine experience of sexuality in a way that breaks out of safe cliché, she opens the door for others to speak out and look within to define their own truths. There’s potential for release from all kinds of damaging assumptions about what sex is for real people.
If you don’t have to look like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to have a great sex life, what other lies are restricting us from owning our potential? Do married couples have to grow bored with each other? Must sexy feelings fade after menopause? Is passionate love beyond our reach after 30? Is dewy innocence really sexier than knowing who you are and exactly what you want in bed? Indeed, since we all hope to live long, rewarding lives, what could be more encouraging than reassurance from wise, experienced lovers that great pleasure lies ahead for as long as we desire it?
In “Invitation to Lunch,” the couple—my husband and I—play out the woman’s fantasy of being watched while they make love. It’s probably no surprise that an erotic writer is attracted to the forbidden fantasies of her sexuality being seen and accepted by others. I realize now that this is what Ageless Erotica means to me: seeing and celebrating the honest erotic experiences of all lovers whatever their age, appearance or sexual preference. Let the new sexual revolution begin!
Donna George Storey is the author of Amorous Woman, asemi-autobiographical tale of an American woman’s love affair with Japan. Her
fiction and essays have appeared in numerous places including Fourth Genre, The
Gettysburg Review, Prairie Schooner, Penthouse, Best American Erotica, and The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica. Read
more at www.DonnaGeorgeStorey.com. Her story in Ageless Erotica, “By Invitation Only,” is based on a recent
lunchtime interlude with her husband of 25 years. Their motto is “you never
stop learning” — especially when it comes to pleasure.
Ageless Erotica!
Ageless Erotica is now available! Follow this link to buy it at a very good price from Amazon. (Please post a reader comment on Amazon after you’ve read it, ok?) I have copies for sale now, too, and I’ll be happy to sign them – click button at the bottom of this page .
Your independent bookstore should have their copies soon — request it and they’ll notify you. The book will also be available in e-book format very soon.
Ageless Erotica
Seal Press, 2013
What would it look like if talented writers over age fifty wrote erotica featuring steamy, sexy characters who were also over fifty? Now we know. Ageless Erotica is a ground-breaking anthology of erotic short stories and memoir essays presenting women and men, couples and singles, straight and gay, who are over fifty, sixty, seventy, and beyond – all enjoying and sharing their erotic moments.
This is not your usual erotica with a few wrinkles slapped on — these are stories that show how hot sex can be at our age. This collection embraces the agelessness of sexuality while still realistically acknowledging the changes that accompany aging.
Ageless Erotica is a stimulating celebration of the many pleasures of “well-seasoned” sex. In this anthology, age is accepted, celebrated, and sensually enjoyed. Some selections are tender and loving, while others are edgy and kinky. Characters may be having spicy sex with partners they have loved for decades; or with new loves, old loves reunited, or forbidden partners; or solo with fantasies. Ageless Erotica has it all, portraying older-age sexuality as healthy, lusty, and glorious.
TO BED by Erobintica
SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE by Nancy Weber
DOLORES PARK by Dale Chase
INVITATION TO LUNCH by Donna George Storey
OTHER PEOPLE’S STUFF by Susan St. Aubin
LADY BELLA by I.G. Frederick
HAND JOBS by Kate Dominic
SMOOTH AND SLIPPERY by Doug Harrison
TONY TEMPO by Tsaurah Litzky
BETTER THAN VIBRATORS by Cheri Crystal
AFTER TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS by Dorothy Freed
MY NEW VAGINA by Audrienne Roberts Womack
TRAIN RIDE by Harris Tweed
AT THE WANE OF THE MOON by Bill Noble
PEAS IN A POD by Maryn Blackburn
ENDLESS PRAISE, TIMELESS LOVE by Linda Poelzl
THE HOTEL LOUNGE by Skyler Karadan
COMING FULL CIRCLE by Cela Winter
GEORGE by Lorna Lee
IN THE MEANTIME by Miriam Kura
MR. SMITH, MS. JONES WILL SEE YOU NOW by D.L. King
JAGUAR DREAMS by Evvy Lynn
TOAST FOR BREAKFAST by Cheyenne Blue
BY THE BOOK by Rae Padilla Francoeur
BLIND, NOT DEAD by Johnny Dragona
AFTER DINNER EUPHORIA by Peter Baltensperger
THE WACKY IRAQI, THE SHAMAN LOVER, AND ME by Erica Manfred
BEYOND THE DOUBLE DOORS by Sue Katz
MORNING by Belle Burroughs Shepherd
Media, book reviewers, bloggers: If you’d like to review Ageless Erotica or interview Joan Price, please email Joan.
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Valentine’s Day 2013
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| (Robert can’t stop laughing after pulling my hat down) |
For Valentine’s Day this year (2013), I’m re-publishing the post I wrote in 2011, updating it slightly.
I always loved Valentine’s Day with Robert. We bought each other gifts, professed our love for each other emphatically and often poetically. We spent the afternoon making love, glorying in the magic of the powerful passion we felt for each other. We would love each other for hours — a candle lighted even in the bright light of afternoon, the bedroom door closed though we were alone in the house. I can still feel the touch of his skin, the sweet pressure of his lips. I hear the love words he muttered.
Dancing was always a part of our self-expression and love expression. One of “our songs” was Anne Murray’s “Could I Have This Dance?”
Could I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner
Every night?
When we’re together,
It feels so right.
Could I have this dance
for the rest of my life?
Every Valentine’s Day and birthday — and sometimes New Year’s Eve, too! — he danced for me: a special dance he had created just to please and entice me. He practiced for days in private, choosing the music, the choreography, and the costume that he would shed slowly and sensuously as part of his dance.
2013: This is my fifth Valentine’s Day without Robert. It wasn’t until the third one that I was able to remember his special dances without crying. What beautiful gifts he gave me throughout our seven years together. What beautiful gifts he gives me still, as I remember him.
For all of you who have a special loved one on this Valentine’s Day, glory in what you share. Never take for granted that “the rest of my life” means anything more than “this moment right now.”
For all of us who are unpartnered on this Valentine’s Day, let’s glory in the love we know how to give, and let’s give it to ourselves and the people in our lives today. Let’s do something special that nurtures us and delights us. Let’s make someone else feel special. Let’s celebrate our capacity to feel joy. The more love we give, the more we have within us.
On this 2013 update, a good friend is just home from the hospital after suffering a heart attack. “I died three times,” he told me — that’s how often they had to re-start his heart. We need to make a special point always of letting the people we love know that we love them. We never know how much time we have.
Whether or not you have a lover right now, you do have people in your life who make your life better just by being in it. On Valentine’s Day or any day, tell them how you feel.