Posts by Joan Price
Invitation: What do you want to see in new book?
Here’s an inside look at a writer’s brain: Every time I finish writing a book, I shout, “There! I’ve done it! There’s nothing more to say!”
But there always is more to say, more to think about, more to learn, more to teach.
What questions, concerns, and topics related to sex and aging did I not cover in Naked at Our Age, or cover too briefly? What more would you like to know about aging and sexuality in all its colors?
Yes, I’m thinking about my next book, and I need your input! Brainstorm with me by posting your suggestions. (Though you’re welcome to use a fake name, please tell me your real age.)
5/27/13 update: Here are some ideas that followers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page posted, to get you started:
- Do you cover Tantra? Or is that too New Age for “our age”?
- I’d like to know what I can do in my 40s to prepare for the longest, healthiest, most enjoyable sex life possible in the decades that follow.
- I know you covered some of this in Naked at Our Age but more of how to deal with Sexless Marriage would be real good thanks xxx
Best Sex Writing 2013: book review
Every year, I look forward to the new edition of the Best Sex Writing series from Cleis Press. This year’s Best Sex Writing 2013: The State of Today’s Sexual Culture offers 20 sex-themed, nonfiction essays, previously published in magazines and on websites as diverse as Playboy, Salon.com, New York magazine, The Atlantic.com, and Church & State Magazine.
Since this blog is for sex-positive people age 50+, I always check out the essays about or by our age group first. These two emerged as my favorites:
- “Ghosts: All My Men Are Dead” by Carol Queen stunned me with its beautiful writing and poignant content. Queen writes from the heart about the men in her life whom she lost to AIDS, interspersed with her own story of her sexual blooming in San Francisco, a self-described “small-town dyke who really wanted to fuck practically every gay man she ever saw.” For those of us who lived through the bewildering beginning of AIDS and the ensuing grief, fear, and loss, this essay is particularly moving, though I challenge anyone of any age to read it with dry eyes.
- “Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement” by Alex Morris is a fascinating look at the dating lives of residents age 70+ to 90 at Flushing House, an independent living facility in Queens, NY. “There’s a practicality that comes with knowing there are certain undeniable limits to how long a romance can last, or what romance at the age of eighty-five even means,” Morris writes. What about sex? Al, age 89, keeps Viagra in a plastic bag in his shirt pocket. “You know, sex isn’t everything, but it has a lot to do with it,” he says. “An awful lot to do with it.”
I don’t mean to imply that only the essays by writers of our age or addressing issues affecting our demographic will interest you — not at all! You’ll be as absorbed as I was by most of the essays here. Some are political; some are intensely personal. All are well-chosen and well-written. If you’re a sex geek, as I am, you’ll devour this book.
Cleis’s own book description says it well:
The Best Sex Writing series has fundamentally changed the way people think—and what they say—about sexuality. Rachel Kramer Bussel has collected the year’s most challenging, literate and provocative pieces on this endlessly fascinating subject.
This is not an exaggeration. Thank you, editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and guest judge Carol Queen for this superb anthology. And thank you, Cleis Press, for always being a staunch supporter of a sex-positive view of the world.
Best Sex Writing editor Rachel Kramer Bussel is a prolific author, editor and blogger. She has edited over forty books of erotica, and has been published in over one hundred anthologies. She blogs at lustylady.blogspot.com.
Learn more about Best Sex Writing 2013 here.
Marriage Equality and more: LGBT Seniors
We’re all reading and talking about gay marriage / marriage equality this week. I’d like to invite our LGBT Boomers, seniors, and elders to comment here about their lives growing up without acceptance or equality.
In high school, I had a guy friend who, I learned 50 years later, was gay. How much it would have accelerated my own education and evolution if he had felt he could talk to me about that then. But he didn’t. Maybe he felt he couldn’t. Maybe he thought it was none of my business. Maybe he wasn’t sure. He dated girls at that time.
Fifty years later, when we met again, I asked if he was married. He told me nonchalantly that he was in a decades-long relationship with a man. He said he wasn’t hiding it — he just informed people who asked.
At CatalystCon East this month, I attended Terri Clark’s session, “The Silver Rainbow: Working with LGBT Seniors.” There are more than 1.5 million LGBT older adults in US today, and by 2030,they’ll number more than 3 million, Terri told us. She is co-chair of The LGBT Elder Initiative
(LGBTEI), which is “committed to assuring that lesbian, gay, bisexual
and transgender older adults have rights and opportunities to live
vibrant, creative and mutually supportive lives.”
you cease to exist.”
I thought I was well-informed, but this session made my jaw drop, especially when Terri showed a short film from Project Visibility (trailer below). In it, people talked about their need to be closeted growing up. “We always kind of lived a lie,” they said. “That was your life and you’re not able to share it. Your story would be missing.”
Even decades later, they lost jobs, family, and their faith community when they came out. One college professor was told, “We don’t have room on the faculty for you any more.”
Many LGBT seniors are still closeted today. This makes them afraid to access senior health and legal services that the rest of us take for granted.
Yes, marriage equality is important. But that’s not the only chapter in this story. Gay or straight, young or old, religious or not, activist or not, we need to come together, stand up tall, and speak out loud for equality for all of us, in all aspects of our lives.
In the words of one of the interviewees, “It’s who we are. It’s not a moral issue.”
Erotic Electro-Stimulation—Reviews of ElectraStim “Flick” and Erostek ET232
Thank you, David Pittle, for continuing to review sex toys for men here. My readers and I are grateful! Readers: your comments are always welcome. — Joan Price
Electro-Stimulation—E-Stim
Guest post by David M. Pittle, Ph.D., M.Div
Erotic Electro-Stimulation — what a charge! Attach electrodes to your genitals and get stimulated through electrical energy. Eugh! But if it could be a shockingly great form of sexual stimulation, why not?Although I consider myself sexually sophisticated, Electro-Stimulation – known as E-Stim — was beyond my experience or knowledge. I wanted to try it myself. Two of the leading vendors were kind enough to send me their units: ElectraStim from Cyrex, an English company, and Erostek, an American firm.
My first action was to try them on myself and then to enlist another man and two women to volunteer to experiment. These are not just men’s or women’s products, they are great for both. (I had fantasies of finding a couple to try it together, but that got too complicated.)
ElectraStim “Flick” EM60
The ElectraStim “Flick” EM60 is a small device, 2.2 x 3.5 inches and only ¾ inch thick. Nicely styled, it has a soft, flocked back and a well-designed control panel. It felt good to hold and use. It came with two penis rings as well as a vaginal probe and several stick-on electrode pads like your physician uses for an EKG. The EM60 has 24 intensity levels and seven different patterns, which you can set to your liking. Like all E-Stim devices, the stimulation is not necessarily steady. And when you hold it and “flick” your hand, it provides an extra jolt of power. The EM60 is a good choice for a first experience because it comes on slowly, but you can build it up to almost full strength with levels of pleasure all along the way.
Erostek ET232
This is a very different device from the ElectraStim. The Erostek ET232 looks a lot less sophisticated in packaging, but it packs many more functions and much more power. There are 15 patterns including one that responds to voice command. The Erostek ET232 arrived with conductive penis bands, and a ball shaped insert for use in the vagina or anus. Enough variation to please almost anyone.
Testing the Devices
To get the best idea of what worked, we began with the EM60. We placed electrode pads near the base of the penis. Our second test was with the penis rings or bands. For the women, we used the pads on either side of the clitoris and then the vaginal probe. After testing the first unit—and some well-deserved rest–we repeated the test with the Erostek ET232.
The results were amazing. The women had orgasms with both devices with the pads. With the vaginal probe, the results were even more spectacular. One of the women had exquisite feelings leading up to each of several orgasms. Changing the orientation of the probe to be either next to her G-spot or side to side made a difference in the feeling, not less or more, but pleasantly different.
For the men too, the results were spectacular. The penis rings or bands produced the greatest pleasure. This increased with one band just below the glans and the other around the scrotum. One man said that he had two full orgasms in a row before “finishing.”
All volunteer testers liked both devices. They praised the EM60 for being easy to get into and providing a soft and comfortable feeling that could be taken to a high level. They liked the Erostek as more aggressive and stronger with a different feeling to it.
Is E-Stim safe? You must use it correctly, which includes using lubricant and keeping the electrodes below the waist. Never use it if you have an implanted pacemaker or defibrillator. Read the instructions and follow the cautions. It should be as safe as your masturbation sleeve or vibrator if you follow the rules. In our testing, we measured blood pressure and heart rate before and after each test. Both heart rate and blood pressure do rise in any sexual activity, but there were no instances of anything out of the ordinary.
(Note from Joan: Of course, we do not give medical advice here, so consult your doctor to be sure. But be prepared: your doctor may have no idea what you’re talking about. Educating doctors is a good thing.)
I can say confidently that these “beginner” models from ElectraStim and Erostek are great products that will keep working for years. They are an investment for long term sexual pleasure. Which to choose? You won’t be disappointed with either.
– David M. Pittle, Ph.D., M.Div., is a therapist in San Rafael, CA, who has been helping people with sexual issues for over thirty years. Many of his clients are age 50-80, when good sex is important, and dissatisfaction may lead to loss of shared intimacy that can threaten the total relationship. David specializes in helping women who are not experiencing sexual satisfaction and men with non-medical and medically-related erectile dysfunction or other issues.
(I am sad to tell you that my friend, sex therapist David Pittle died December 2017. We value his sex toy reviews. Read more reviews by David Pittle)