Posts by Joan Price
X1 Orgasmatron review: If a jackhammer is sexy
When “Dr. X. Treme” offered to send me the X1 Orgasmatron for review, I jumped at the chance. It’s a funny looking contraption — one of my Naked at Our Age Facebook followers asked if I got it from Woody Allen when I posted a photo.
The actual machine resembles a black plastic light bulb, over which you fit a bubblegum pink dildo. The light bulb has one cord, but you have two more cords to attach before you can plug it into a wall socket.
Yes, three cords, total. Once you’re all plugged in, so to speak, you dial up the intensity you want, and supposedly get a physics-law abiding orgasm. According to the inventor’s website, http://www.doctorxtreme.com:
This vibrator’s design is based on an understanding of the applied physics of sex machines… Most vibrating machines only move a tiny patch of skin on the tip of the clitoris. While this part of the body is incredibly sensitive, the clitoris is like an iceberg. A vast structure of nerves exist beneath the surface of the skin that are not stimulated by a typical small-mass vibrator.
I’m sorry, I really wanted to like the X1 Orgasmatron. But it didn’t work that way for me. If my clitoris was an “iceberg,” the X1 Orgasmatron was a giant jackhammer battering away at it–and at my hand which was trying to hold it.
I have no idea how it might have worked as a dildo, because at 1.9 inches in diameter, it was much too girthy for me. Dr. X. Treme assured me,
The “dildo” can also act as a mechanical finger on the outside of the clit, and that is how some users exclusively use it, as well as turning the whole human hand into a vibrator.
So that’s what I tried to do.
Unfortunately, it was uncomfortable to hold, the “fingertip” was very hard (consider a softer, slightly squishy attachment, Dr. X.), and the combination of the noise, the silliness of having three cords to contend with, and needing to use both hands just to keep it from escaping as it clattered about made the experience too unsexy to continue.
Yes, I tried dialing down the intensity, but then it was just one more toy that didn’t deliver. I wanted the intensity — but not in the style of a silicone jackhammer.
Did you notice that the slogan of XTreme Orgasmatronics is “Less pants, more science.” What did you make of that? I had to ask Dr. X. Treme, “I don’t understand ‘less pants’ – do you mean fewer trousers, or less heavy breathing?”
He replied, “The idea of the tag line is that when one applies physics to sex toy design it’s still real science but trousers are no longer needed in order to go to work.” Oh…. May I respectfully suggest that Dr. X. rethink this tag line? One more thing to rethink: the X1 Orgasmatron retails for $180.
If a sex toy doesn’t work for me, I try to figure out who would like it. After all, I’m just one person with particular tastes, and just because I’m ready to pull out all three cords doesn’t mean you won’t love it. If my jackhammer analogy made you squirm with delight rather than recoil, you’d probably have fun with this. Whether you’d have $180 worth of fun, I can’t say.
Update: in case this 2012 review inspired you to get your own Orgasmatron, sorry, there are no purchase links because the company went out of business.
Reader: “Replacement girlfriend? Since when are wives disposable?”
I am one of the sex educators who answers question sent to the Safer Sex for Seniors website. I just answered this one and wanted to share it with you, too. It’s an issue that either has or will come up for us, unfortunately:
I’m 74 and my wife is 78. She is a resident of a care center while her hip heals from being broken and I’m still at home. She also has dementia! I’m being advised to put her into a senior home for the balance of her life and go find a replacement girlfriend.
My question is: Now that I’m at this age I’ve lost or forgotten how to find an acceptable date. My friends and family think it’s outrageous for me to replace my wife. But our state case manager is strongly backing the suggestion for a new girl in my life. Since when are wives disposable — except until death do us part?
Joan Price answers:
This is a sad and scary time for you, I understand. Your wife is badly injured and suffering from dementia, and others are advising you to let her stay in a residential facility where she can be taken care of – not temporarily, but for the rest of her life. I can understand how upset you must feel. This isn’t what you and your wife thought your golden years would be.
If you’re asking whether you should start dating, only you know whether that’s the right step for you. No one is suggesting that your wife is disposable, though they may sound that way to you in your grief.
I think those who are advising you to date are trying to let you know gently that your wife will not be returning to your home or to your relationship, and when it feels right to you to find companionship, it’s okay to do that. They’re not encouraging you to “dispose” of your wife or your vows. They’re trying to look out for your emotional well-being by letting you know that if you do want to explore finding a new relationship now or in the future, there’s nothing wrong with that.
I can see from the way you state your question, though, that it’s probably too soon to take that suggestion. Perhaps better right now would be a grief support group. Although your wife has not died, you have lost her companionship and even her presence in your life. A grief counselor or support group could be immensely valuable to you.
When you’re ready, you don’t need to feel guilty about your own need to be close to another person emotionally and sexually– that’s natural and a part of being human. You would not be trying to “replace” your wife in any way, just taking care of your own social and intimate needs. You may need to explain that to your family (or let them read this) if they still think it’s “outrageous” that you might look for a relationship.
I wish you the best. I know this is the hardest of times.
[Originally published at http://safersex4seniors.org/are-partners-with-dementia-disposable/.]
What You Should Never Say/Send to a Senior Sex Educator
But part of making myself easy to contact is that sometimes (rarely, thankfully) I get creepy emails and inappropriate messages.
Here’s a sample. They’re all real. I couldn’t make this up. Names withheld so the writers won’t be more embarrassed than we need them to be:
- “i must say nothing more sexy then some one over 60 nude i just love it. ever get to pa” and later he added, “could i say you would not need that toy” Uh huh, and what have you told me that will make me want to get nude with you in Pennsylvania? Listen, guys, just because you can type without capital letters and you feel like propositioning someone, that doesn’t mean you should. And even if you’re God’s gift to women, don’t presume that you’ll replace my Magic Wand.
- “I like what you said tonight. Okay if I send you some drunken, dirty texts?” This was said to me after I gave a bookstore reading. No, thank you, do not send me either drunken or dirty texts, and certainly do not combine drunken and dirty. That will never interest me in the slightest.
- Do not ever, ever send me a picture of your penis. I like penises a lot. Some of my best friends have penises. All of my lovers have had penises. But that’s the thing — I like penises that are owned by men I like. A photo of a penis all by itself, hanging out of unzipped jeans (as was the one a 22-year-old man sent me recently), will never make me go, “Yum.”
Report from a Sex Educators’ Conference
What do sex therapists, counselors, and sex educators do at a conference? No, they don’t hold orgies or kiss-and-tell or take off their clothes in public. They don’t snicker or tell off-color jokes. Rather, they learn, they teach, they keep themselves updated on new developments in their field, and they network — just like any conference. Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) in Austin, and I’d like to share some interesting morsels with you.
Personally, the most significant moment for me was when I received the 2012AASECT Book Award for Naked at Our Age and I read the inscription on the plaque:
“For a major contribution toward understanding the sexuality of
seniors.” Can you tell from the photo how thrilled I was (and am!)?
Thank you, all the readers who sent stories and questionsand all the experts who provided answers and advice. This is not just my book –
it’s yours, also. Senior sex is
not only out from under the covers, it’s receiving major attention now. I loved hearing this from the therapists: “I bought your
book and love it. I keep it on my desk to show my clients.”
share just a few tidbits that apply to our age group.
find her savvy tips all through Naked at Our Age. Ellen, co-owner of A Woman’sTouch in Madison, WI, works with cancer survivors
to help them reclaim their sexuality. “Oncologists are there to treat your
cancer and save your life–it’s not within their job description to talk about
sex,” Ellen told us in her session on Sexuality and Cancer. So it’s up to people like Ellen to do the talking about sex. (Her PowerPoint outline
is available here.) A Woman’s Touch is a superb resource for sexuality topics, especially for our age group.
See the list of educational brochures here. You’ll learn cutting-edge information that your doctor didn’t tell you about Penile Rehabilitation after Prostate or Pelvic Surgery or Radiation, for example, and the complete Vaginal Renewal program that I referenced
several times in both Naked at Our Age and Better Than I Ever Expected.
Barry McCarthy, prolific author of Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy (2011 AASECT Book Award winner); Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style: Sharing Desire, Pleasure, and Satisfaction; Sexual Awareness: Your Guide to Healthy Couple Sexuality, and Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages talked about Sexual Desire Disorders. He explained that the “limerance” stage of a relationship — that initial romantic and highly sexualized time –typically lasts just 6 months to two years. The challenge is how to keep sexualdesire alive and empowered in an ongoing relationship, focusing on pleasure and engagement rather than performance. “Sexuality is sharing pleasure in a team sport,” he said, giving several strategies for developing comfort, confidence, and connection.
read my shirt and told me, “You sure look good for
– whatever age you are.” Struck me as funny!
