Posts by Joan Price
What You Should Never Say/Send to a Senior Sex Educator
But part of making myself easy to contact is that sometimes (rarely, thankfully) I get creepy emails and inappropriate messages.
Here’s a sample. They’re all real. I couldn’t make this up. Names withheld so the writers won’t be more embarrassed than we need them to be:
- “i must say nothing more sexy then some one over 60 nude i just love it. ever get to pa” and later he added, “could i say you would not need that toy” Uh huh, and what have you told me that will make me want to get nude with you in Pennsylvania? Listen, guys, just because you can type without capital letters and you feel like propositioning someone, that doesn’t mean you should. And even if you’re God’s gift to women, don’t presume that you’ll replace my Magic Wand.
- “I like what you said tonight. Okay if I send you some drunken, dirty texts?” This was said to me after I gave a bookstore reading. No, thank you, do not send me either drunken or dirty texts, and certainly do not combine drunken and dirty. That will never interest me in the slightest.
- Do not ever, ever send me a picture of your penis. I like penises a lot. Some of my best friends have penises. All of my lovers have had penises. But that’s the thing — I like penises that are owned by men I like. A photo of a penis all by itself, hanging out of unzipped jeans (as was the one a 22-year-old man sent me recently), will never make me go, “Yum.”
Report from a Sex Educators’ Conference
What do sex therapists, counselors, and sex educators do at a conference? No, they don’t hold orgies or kiss-and-tell or take off their clothes in public. They don’t snicker or tell off-color jokes. Rather, they learn, they teach, they keep themselves updated on new developments in their field, and they network — just like any conference. Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) in Austin, and I’d like to share some interesting morsels with you.
Personally, the most significant moment for me was when I received the 2012AASECT Book Award for Naked at Our Age and I read the inscription on the plaque:
“For a major contribution toward understanding the sexuality of
seniors.” Can you tell from the photo how thrilled I was (and am!)?
Thank you, all the readers who sent stories and questionsand all the experts who provided answers and advice. This is not just my book –
it’s yours, also. Senior sex is
not only out from under the covers, it’s receiving major attention now. I loved hearing this from the therapists: “I bought your
book and love it. I keep it on my desk to show my clients.”
share just a few tidbits that apply to our age group.
find her savvy tips all through Naked at Our Age. Ellen, co-owner of A Woman’sTouch in Madison, WI, works with cancer survivors
to help them reclaim their sexuality. “Oncologists are there to treat your
cancer and save your life–it’s not within their job description to talk about
sex,” Ellen told us in her session on Sexuality and Cancer. So it’s up to people like Ellen to do the talking about sex. (Her PowerPoint outline
is available here.) A Woman’s Touch is a superb resource for sexuality topics, especially for our age group.
See the list of educational brochures here. You’ll learn cutting-edge information that your doctor didn’t tell you about Penile Rehabilitation after Prostate or Pelvic Surgery or Radiation, for example, and the complete Vaginal Renewal program that I referenced
several times in both Naked at Our Age and Better Than I Ever Expected.
Barry McCarthy, prolific author of Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy (2011 AASECT Book Award winner); Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style: Sharing Desire, Pleasure, and Satisfaction; Sexual Awareness: Your Guide to Healthy Couple Sexuality, and Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages talked about Sexual Desire Disorders. He explained that the “limerance” stage of a relationship — that initial romantic and highly sexualized time –typically lasts just 6 months to two years. The challenge is how to keep sexualdesire alive and empowered in an ongoing relationship, focusing on pleasure and engagement rather than performance. “Sexuality is sharing pleasure in a team sport,” he said, giving several strategies for developing comfort, confidence, and connection.
read my shirt and told me, “You sure look good for
– whatever age you are.” Struck me as funny!
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: book review
I was, at first, conflicted when Cleis Press invited me to review The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge, ed. Tristan Taormino. I’m so unkinky personally. I like gentle sex, and although I had a “try anything twice” motto a few decades ago, by now, I feel pretty secure in knowing what works for me, and it’s decidedly, deliciously, vanilla.
I’ll admit it, I’ve never understood what could be pleasurable about pain. I’ve been in two devastating automobile accidents with residual and lifelong pain, I shattered my shoulder in ten places two years ago, I have arthritis in my neck — I know pain. I couldn’t imagine bringing pain intentionally into my sex life. Imagine my surprise reading this in Tristan Taormino’s introduction:
| Tristan Taormino |
When people experience pain, adrenaline, endorphins, and natural painkillers flood their nervous system. People get off on this chemical rush, which many describe as feeling energized, high, or transcendent… In the context of a sexually charged scene, some people, when they are aroused (and their pain tolerance is much higher), process a face slap in a different way: it feels good.
Oh! Now I get it. (Are true kinksters laughing at my innocence?)
- Patrick Califia, who writes “Butthole Bliss: The Ins and Outs of Anal Fisting” (“one of the most extreme sexual acts that one person can allow another to do to his or her body”) and “Enhancing Masochism: How to Expand Limits and Increase Desire.” He defines masochism as “the desire and the ability to become aroused and perhaps even climax while experiencing sensations that other people avoid.”
- Hardy Haberman, who writes “A Little Cock and Ball Play,” including household items you can use as sensation implements: toothbrush, paintbrush, nylon scouring pad, mushroom brush….
- Jack Rinella, who writes “The Dark Side.” As the Dark Lord, he advertised for men who desired to be “subjugated, degraded, dominated, humiliated, and violated” — about 120 men responded.
- Lolita Wolf, who writes “Making an Impact: Spanking, Caning, and Flogging,” including choosing an implement, techniques, and why the bottom and the top enjoy it.
- Barbara Carrellas, who writes “Kinky Twisted Tantra,” including “The Tao of Pain.”
Patrick Califia challenges those who brand BDSM players as “mentally ill”:
The assumption that variant sexualities are mental illnesses has more to do with conservative religious values than it does with objective observation. If a mental state or human behavior is unhealthy, we ought to be able to demonstrate that it makes that person unhappy, interferes with their ability to give and receive love, prevents them from setting goals that give them a sense of fulfillment, and injures their health.
Naked at Our Age wins AASECT book award
“Dear Ms. Price,” the email began. “It is my honor to notify you that your book, Naked at Our Age, was selected by the AASECT Awards Committee as the 2012 Book Award winner.”
The email listed the AASECT members who had nominated and endorsed my book, and continued,
This award is presented to the author(s) of a book that makes a significant contribution to AASECTs vision of sexual health and to the clinical and educational standards of the field. The nominated book can be written for a professional audience or for a general audience and must have been published in English in 2011.
AASECT is The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the primary professional organization of this field. As the website explains,
In addition to sexuality educators, sexuality counselors and sex therapists, AASECT members include physicians, nurses, social workers, psychologists, allied health professionals, clergy members, lawyers, sociologists, marriage and family counselors and therapists, family planning specialists and researchers, as well as students in relevant professional disciplines. These individuals share an interest in promoting understanding of human sexuality and healthy sexual behavior..
Do you see why I’m thrilled by this award? These are the people I learn from at conferences and through their books and websites. These are the people who showed me the diversity of sexuality education and how much it’s needed at all points of our lifelong journey. These are the people who have chosen sexuality education as their life’s work.
And they have chosen Naked at Our Age as the best sexuality book of the year!
As proud as I am, I know it’s not just my book. It’s compelling because of your concerns and questions that comprise the 135 candid reader stories. It’s a solid guidebook to solutions for age-related sex problems because of the 45 experts — most AASECT members themselves — who graciously provided the answers to your questions. I’m also grateful to those of you who reviewed Naked at Our Age on your blogs, in publications, and on Amazon, so that potential readers learned about it.
I’ll receive this award personally at the AASECT conference in Austin next month — where I’ll also present a session on blogging about sexuality.
Thank you for making this book what it is, and for recognizing it with this honor.