Want to be interviewed in a film?
Have you or your relationship benefited from the work I do and the information I teach?
Have my books, articles, consults, or presentations made a strong impact on you or changed something about your life? Do you see aging and sexuality differently now than you used to?
If so, would you be willing to be interviewed about this in a documentary film?
Deirdre Fishel, a longtime independent filmmaker, is directing a documentary film about me, my work and its impact, my daily life, and my attitudes about aging, sex, love, and much more. Originally, the film was about older women who are reinventing old age and living productive, vibrant, sexual lives. It’s been reimagined as a shorter film featuring me. I am honored!
Joan’s morning ritual
Deirdre and her delightful film crew visited me for three days, filming my daily activities and interviewing me about both my personal life and my mission to help seniors embrace sexual pleasure. The crew is returning in May 2025 for another shoot. I don’t know when the film will come out — it’s a process, a journey! — I’ll be sure to announce it here.
Joan and Mac walk Spring Lake, Santa Rosa, CA
Deirdre knows what I think — now she wants to understand the impact of my work.
She’s eager to meet people whose lives have been changed in some way by my influence. She is looking for women and/or couples who might be willing to share their story. If you are interested in learning more, please email Deirdre Fishel to set up an exploratory call to discuss the project and what participating might entail.
1/10/25 UPDATE: You have the option to be be interviewed with only your voice recorded anonymously, if you’d be uncomfortable on camera or being identified. In that case, only Deirdre will know who you are, and I vouch for her ethics. If you’re happy to be on camera, we’ll make that happen!
Deirdre Fishel
Capture Your Sexy Stories by Stella Fosse
Capture Your Sexy Stories
guest post by Stella Fosse
Shoes, hose, suit jacket, pencil skirt, all were cast aside. Hands were everywhere: caressing breasts, touching shoulders, massaging buttocks. Rachel’s hands slid behind Marion’s head and pulled her close. She found Marion’s lips with her own, lips that tasted of time, the spices of long ago, the herbs in the garden of her burnt English cottage.
– From Vampires of a Certain Age by Stella Fosse
Stella Fosse
Writing about our vibrant lives can be fun and liberating. When I lead workshops on sexy writing for olders, that joyful energy is all around us. We have so much experience to draw upon, so many memories and ideas. Sharing our sexy stories as older adults sends a powerful anti-ageist message.
You need not consider yourself a writer to enjoy writing about vivid moments. Approach your writing as play. Remember a sexy experience from yesterday or half a century ago. Make a list of sensory words and phrases your memory conjures. Was there music? Were there sighs? Laughter? What aromas and tastes do you recall? What about textures and surfaces you touched? Take your time with this list-making; there is no rush.
Use your list of words and phrases as writing prompts for your sexy scene. Expand on each thought in any order you want, chronological or not. What you write is just for your enjoyment unless you choose to share it. Feel free to add ideas from your imagination. Then read your scene aloud and enjoy your words.
Write about new sexual experiences soon after they happen to keep those moments fresh on the page. Sharing this writing with your partner can be a sexy experience. Expand on your scene to create a story, as I wrote about in a previous post for Joan Price’s blog.
You may even publish your sexy story! Every once in a while, a call for submissions comes along for erotic stories with older characters. You might
enjoy these anthologies of sexy stories (and they may inspire your writing):
• Ageless Erotica, edited by Joan Price
• Dirty Old Women: Erotica by Women of Experience, edited by Lynx Canon
• Ladies’ Own Erotica, by the Kensington Ladies Erotica Society
• Unmasked: Women Write about Sex and Intimacy After Fifty, edited by Marcia Meier and Kathleen A. Barry
My first book, Aphrodite’s Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife, includes erotic stories with older characters and writing prompts that turn society’s expectations about older characters upside down.
My newest book is Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance, a step-by-step guide to create, edit, publish and
market a late life Romance novel. Designed for new writers as well as experienced authors. this how-to manual includes sexy example scenes from my novel, Vampires of a Certain Age. Most Romance readers are past midlife, yet few Romance characters are over thirty. Your stories can help!
Rachel thrilled at the heightened sense of touch she experienced in Marion’s arms. “Kiss me again. Please. Give me your tongue.” With a low murmur, Marion did as she was asked. Still kissing, the two made their way to Marion’s bed, which was large and inviting, a slightly darker peach than the walls, with a generous silken canopy. Lying on it, Rachel felt as if she were floating in space. Marion’s body was strong and soft, new and somehow familiar.
– From Vampires of a Certain Age by Stella Fosse
Writing about joyful, sexy moments is a great antidote to the negativity about aging all around us. Erotic writing helps us see our sex lives in a positive way and contributes to our health and longevity. It’s a fun revolution. Try it and enjoy!
Stella Fosse encourages people after midlife to subvert ageism through writing and sharing our vivid stories. She leads workshops, writes both fiction and nonfiction, and blogs on topics of interest to olders. She is the author of Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance, Aphrodite’s Pen, and two novels and a story collection, all featuring vivid older characters. She shares her writing and other resources at www.stellafosse.com
Volta from Fun Factory: versatile vibrator
I’ve been singing the praises of the Fun Factory Volta since 2018. This review replaces a previous roundup of several Fun Factory toys. Volta deserves its own review! – Joan
The Fun Factory Volta is a delightfully versatile vibrator for all genders and genitals. The curved shape and vibrating tips (I think of them as “flippers”) invite your creativity. It’s strong, playfully designed, and delivers pleasure and orgasms in a variety of ways.
How to use Volta
- Nuzzle a clitoris by surrounding the glans (protruding tip of the clitoris) with the flippers.
- Rest the curve of the Volta over the vulva for all-over stimulation.
- Separate the flippers to vibrate the clitoris and the vaginal entrance simultaneously.
- Cuddle or circle around the head of a penis, keeping the motion going.
- Encircle the penis with the flippers and squeeze together at the frenulum.
- Stroke the shaft of a penis with the flippers during fellatio.
- Any way you want! Use your imagination.
Pros
The Volta is not only versatile, it’s wonderfully strong! Take your choice of six intensity levels, oh my, and six rhythm patterns. It’s rumbly, which I prefer, rather than buzzy. I really appreciate the ergonomic handle with the “loop” for easy holding, even with lubed fingers. The power buttons are big and easy to see and feel.
Volta is colorful, playfully designed, well-made of body-safe, medical-grade silicone. It’s waterproof for shower, tub, and pool use. It charges easily and reliably via a USB magnetic charger, simple as can be. Use with water-based lubricant only.
Cons
Honestly, I can’t think of any.
Shamus MacDuff’s opinion of Volta for penises
I’ve tried numerous sex toys, both penis toys and gender-free vibrators. Among them all, Volta is the one I return to over and over again. I love it for both self-pleasuring and partner sex.
Looking at Volta I smile at its resemblance to a squid. A squid with attitude! Volta boasts six speeds and six patterns and is surprisingly powerful. It is fully waterproof, allowing shower play, and quite quiet, assisting privacy. It holds a charge for a long time.
When using it solo I enjoy applying Volta’s vibrating “mouth” first to my scrotum, then slowly moving it up my shaft to the frenulum. Doing this leisurely I increase the speed. By the time I reach “the place where it happens” I’m on the verge of ejaculation. Turning it up to the highest speed always results in an orgasm. Sometimes I edge with Volta’s different patterns, holding back and just enjoying the overall sense of well-being that produces.
My partner and I know that Volta will always do its job when she pleasures me. A combination of fellatio, lube, and then Volta inevitably brings me to ecstasy. When she applies the vibrating “mouth” to the ridge of my penis head I always come with a roar. We’ve learned that Volta will jolt ya!
Get your Fun Factory Volta from Betty’s Toy Box with 10% off with coupon code JOAN10
LATitude by Vicki Larson
LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Relationship Work
by Vicki Larson
Reviewed by Mac Marshall
Vicki Larson, photo credit Kim Thompson Steel
LAT stands for Live Apart Together. In her welcome book about this new lifestyle, Vicki Larson notes that at least three things must occur for a relationship to be considered LAT:
- Two people agree that they are a committed romantic couple;
- Others view them as a committed romantic couple;
- They intentionally reside in separate homes.
LAT has grown in popularity in recent years, especially among divorced or widowed older adults. Many seniors find that living separately from their romantic partner provides an attractive combination: committed companionship along with personal independence.
“There are several studies indicating that living apart from your romantic partner benefits your sex life,” says Larson. “LAT couples often experience more passion, idealize their partners more, daydream about their relationship, and report more loving feelings toward their partner than couples who live together.” Larson’s own interviews revealed that compared to couples who live together, LAT couples:
- Have the same or even higher levels of commitment;
- Feel equal or greater trust for their partners;
- Have the same or higher levels of stability;
- Experience equal or more relationship satisfaction.
LAT relationships typically offer a couple equality, intimacy, stability, and more satisfying sex than if they resided under one roof. “Absence not only seems to make the heart grow fonder, it also makes the libido stronger.”
Larson lists the reasons most people state for getting married: love, “lifelong commitment, companionship, children, having the relationship be recognized by a religious ceremony, financial stability, and…legal rights and benefits.” She notes that living together is not mentioned as a reason to wed. Indeed, “all the stated reasons for marrying can be achieved while living apart from your romantic partner.” In LATitude, she presents examples of married couples who actively choose to live apart happily, often for decades.
To succeed in a LAT relationship, you must feel secure in your sexual relationship. “Ultimately, it comes down to this: Are you with someone you trust, and is that person worthy of your trust? And are you someone your partner can trust?” With or without marriage, LAT rests on mutual trust to abide by whatever agreements and boundaries a couple establish, including whether to be monogamous or consensually non-monogamous. Larson quotes a therapist who is in a longtime LAT partnership: “Before you take this step, you have to be really secure in your relationship. The commitment you need in your relationship can’t be half-assed. It takes more trust when you’re not going to see the person and you have no idea what they’re doing all day or night.”
If you are a senior intrigued by or contemplating an LAT relationship,
Larson’s book is essential reading. She also addresses financial matters, legal issues, and decisions about caregiving as aging partners require more assistance. These are especially relevant to our age group. You’ll come away from her book with a solid understanding of the pros and cons of LAT as you chart your own course.
My own experience: I am 80 years old. I had two long marriages. The first one ended in divorce and the second with my wife’s death. I have no desire to remarry. As a widower I am now in a delightful and fulfilling LAT relationship. I find it satisfying in a host of ways. My partner and I each live in our own home and see one another several times a week, including one or two “overnights.” We communicate daily. We maintain our separate friendship networks, along with friends in common. Sometimes we travel together, sometimes solo. We keep our finances separate and often treat each other to dates or trips. We schedule regular sex dates in advance. The anticipation of such planned intimacy adds to the excitement. Disadvantages to LAT? I can’t think of any!
Do you have a LAT arrangement? I invite you to comment.
Mac Marshall, PhD is a retired anthropology professor, researcher, and author who is delighted to explore sexuality studies at this time of his life.
Purchase LATitude: How You Can Make a Live Apart Relationship Work from Bookshop.org. Visit Vicki Larson’s website.