Saying “No” with Class: Rejections I’ve Liked
1/16/2023 update: One of my ongoing tasks is culling my 17+ years (!) of blog posts. Working backwards from 2005, I’m working on deleting those that are outdated, no longer interesting or useful, reviews of sex toys that no longer exist or from companies I no longer endorse, and so on.
Occasionally, though, I hit upon a topic that is as relevant now as when I wrote it, such as this one from 2011. If you’ve been rejected by a date or potential date — or done the rejecting — in a way that’s kind and respectful, please share in the comments.
Originally published January 2011:
My dabbling in online dating continues to be interesting, often funny, sometimes frustrating when the dating sites seem to ignore my criteria when announcing with great fanfare that they’ve found a match for me.
I’m going into this to expand my social life and meet good men who might become friends, or provide an hour of interesting conversation, or stimulate me to pursue a deeper relationship — or just remind me why I enjoy my single life. I’m not earnestly seeking a soul mate or looking to get married. This gives me the advantage of being able to take this whole process lightly, and my day is not ruined by a rejection or by the paucity of applause-inducing matches.
Sometimes I read a profile that leaves me saying, “Wow! I’d like to know this person!” and I send an e-note expressing why his profile interested me. Occasionally my interest is returned, but that’s rare (I’m not sure why). Usually I’m ignored. I really like it, though, when the recipient of my interest sends me a polite “No, thank you.”
To encourage you to do this, here are some of the nice ways I’ve been turned down:
- Thanks for the note and kind comments. My age range is general, like any sensible man would say, but it can be a factor. Equally, if not more, important, is the geographic range. While I know that your city is not on the other side of the moon [comment from Joan: we live about 40 mi. apart], it is too far for me at this point of this odd online dating process. I have tried the long distance relationship a few times, and each time, it proved too much the struggle. So, thanks for reaching out, and I wish you the best.
I am so honored that you would send me an email. You look and sound like a delightful woman, and I enjoyed reading your profile. However, as flattered as I am by your contact, it’s my strong hunch that we’re really not a match. So, let me send you my best wishes for meeting your match.
- Actually, I am looking for a soul-mate. Dating and friendship is fine, but I would like to “go all the way” as it were. About four years ago, I dated a woman who had lost her husband and I thought we were a pretty good fit, but she loved her husband very much and had no room for me. You seem like a smart and interesting person, and I could be making a mistake, but somehow I feel that we aren’t a good fit either. You may be right in looking for a widower. Thanks for writing me.
- Thank you for the contact and the nice words. I am in a process of transition, learning to listen to myself and find out what I am looking for at this juncture in my life. You seem like a beautiful and interesting person. However at this point I don’t feel that we would be a good match for dating. I send my heartfelt wishes to you to find the person and love that you seek and deserve.
Readers: Have you received “no, thank you” notes that made you smile instead of cringe? Have you sent any you’d like to share? Please comment.
Body Kisses by Gender X: review by Shamus MacDuff
If you’re a penis owner, do you enjoy blow jobs? Do you like to lie back and let someone/ something else pleasure you? If so, you need to meet Body Kisses, a new Gender X toy sold by Betty’s Toy Box. Gender X describes it as a “vibrating suction stroker and humping toy.” It functions nicely as a penis toy! It is a fun and handy toy for senior penis owners, especially, because a hard erection is not required to enjoy it fully.
Body Kisses has a “mouth” not quite an inch wide and stretchy that opens into a 2-inch deep chamber. Insert the head of your penis—flaccid or erect—and engage the easy-to-use controls atop the toy. One button turns it on and off and changes the three speeds and four patterns. The other button triggers the suction mechanism so that air is removed and the “mouth” grips your member. By clever design the vibrating function and the sucking function can operate together or separately.
Start flaccid. Usually, I begin using Body Kisses by inserting my flaccid penis head. That’s because I find that once I’m completely erect, it takes lube and quite a bit of pushing to get my penis inside the toy’s chamber. The same is true for the Fun Factory Rainbow Amor dildo with a 1.5 inch diameter. Lube is essential for girthier insertions.
While we’re playing with dildos, the slender Fun Factory Limba Flex S (1.1 inch diameter) and the gorgeous Subana Sweetheart Glass Dildo (1.26 inch diameter) from England had an easy time sliding into the Body Kisses.
Back to me and my pleasure. My favorite way to play solo with Body Kisses is first to trigger the suction mode so that the slightly-under-half-a-pound toy clings to and hangs down from my penis. Then, while it’s just sucking, I increase the speed and alternate the patterns. As my erection rises I add the vibrating function to the sucking function so that both are at work. Finally, with the fully activated toy dangling between my legs, the external humping area buzzes my testicles while the sucking and vibrating “mouth” brings me to a climax.
Body Kisses is made of silicone and is splash proof but not immersible. It’s relatively quiet, and it is easy to hold and manipulate. Body Kisses is rechargeable with a magnetic USB cable provided. A minimal instruction sheet is included along with a 5-year warranty card. The packaging is spartan—a thin cardboard box containing a flimsy plastic holder for the toy and cable. I wished that it came with a cloth carrying bag.
This was odd. I was puzzled to discover that after cleaning and (I thought) drying the toy, water and toy cleaner bubbled out of the small hole on the side the next time I used it. I learned to avoid this by operating the vibrating function during the cleaning process until all fluids were emptied from the toy’s cavity. Gender X should have explained this issue on the instruction sheet.
What is Gender X? In November 2021, Evolved Novelties launched Gender X, a new line of sex toys that moves away from traditional gender-specific marketing. Under the motto “universal imagination,” Gender X wants us to discover our own pleasures from any specific toy. Their idea is for the possibilities of gender-neutral sex toys to be user-driven and open-ended.
I was curious about the name they’d chosen for the toy, so in the spirit of user-driven universal imagination, I first applied it to various sensitive body parts that like to be kissed. But it didn’t “kiss” my nipples, scrotum, or inner thigh, even when I applied lube around the rim of its suction hole to see if that created a seal. My cis-female partner did not find either the suction or the “hump” particularly stimulating on any of her erogenous body parts. Fortunately, using Body Kisses on my penis proved an excellent choice!
Many thanks to Betty’s Toy Box for sending Body Kisses for an honest review it. My pleasure!
Betty’s Toy Box offers 10% off all products to Joan’s blog readers with coupon code JOAN10 – check out Betty’s many fine products.
—Shamus MacDuff, age 79, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys for penises until about 5 years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read his other posts here at https://joanprice.com/tag/shamus-macduff
Womanizer Marilyn Monroe special edition – review
The Womanizer Marilyn Monroe™ Special Edition Clitoral Suction Stimulator from LoveHoney is a gorgeous, elegantly designed and packaged gift for your clitoris. It comes in four colors: white marble (pictured), black marble, mint green, and vivid red.
This powerful “Pleasure Air” technology toy has 10 intensity levels from “ummm” to “oh, yes, yes, yes!” It’s completely waterproof.
If you’re new to “Pleasure Air” sex toys, they feel a lot like gentle pulsing and sucking. Apply water-based lubricant to your clitoris, and place the nozzle-looking part over it. Start with the lowest setting, relax, and gradually raise the intensity as you need it. It’s a delicious feeling!
Why Marilyn Monroe?
Born 1926, Marilyn became the sex symbol for my generation. I remember devouring stories about Marilyn in movie star magazines when I was in junior high and trying to figure out what being a woman meant. I barely understood what “sexy” meant or stood for, but I knew she was the epitome, way beyond my aspirations. My little breasts were embarrassing. Hers were awe-inspiring.
She had it all, or so we thought. Marilyn died by suicide of a barbiturate overdose at age 36.
The controls on the back are remarkably clear and easy to use. From bottom to top:
- The two raised silver dots are for the connecting points for the magnetic charger.
- Power button: press and hold for 2 seconds to turn on and off. Press and release quickly for the “afterglow” setting (see below). The power button lights up in use. It’s also a handy battery level indicator which flashes quickly when the Womanizer is half-charged and slowly when it’s close to discharged.
- Minus (-) button: press and release to lower intensity.
- Plus (+) button: press and release to raise intensity.
- Note that the plus (+) and minus (-) buttons are different sizes, easy to choose the right one, even with eyes closed.
- Like the Womanizer ECO (my personal favorite), this version comes with a cotton drawstring bag for storage.
- Charging is simple with the USB magnetic charging cord. Unlike many magnetic chargers, this one attaches tightly and doesn’t disengage until you pull it off.
- Two silicone “stimulation heads” are included. These pop off for easy switching or washing. Although one is a little higher than the other, the difference in width is negligible.
- A short, clear, illustrated user booklet with easy-on-the-eyes black print on white. I’ve complained in the past about user manuals that were all but illegible to our old eyes, e.g. small white print on pink background, ugh.
I love the Afterglow function! If you require high intensity to orgasm, and immediately afterward your clitoris is too sensitive and you abruptly remove or turn off your vibrator, here’s a special treat. After enjoying a strong orgasm at whatever intensity gets you there, press the power button quickly and it switches to the lowest setting. I think of it as letting your clitoris “purr” for a while after your orgasm.
Is Womanizer Marilyn Monroe for you?
- Yes, if you’re a Marilyn Monroe fan and want to honor her with your orgasms.
- No, if you’re uncomfortable with Marilyn’s name and image used without her consent. (Her estate did consent.) FYI The Marilyn Monroe is exactly the same as the Classic 2, other than the appearance and references to Marilyn.
- Yes, if you’re giving a gift and want a beautiful design.
- No, if you already have another Womanizer or air puff stimulator that you use and love. Other than the colors, it’s similar to other Womanizers.
- Yes, if you’re a beginner to “pleasure air” technology. The lowest settings are mild and will help you get used to this kind of stimulation.
You’ve come a long way, Womanizer!
I’ve been enjoying and reviewing Womanizer clitoral stimulators since the first one — a hideously garish but marvelously effective game changer — entered my bedroom in 2015. Since then, I’ve reviewed updated Womanizers as they became prettier, sleeker, easier to use, more powerful, altogether more deliciously satisfying.
Thank you, LoveHoney, for sending me the Womanizer Marilyn Monroe™ Special Edition Clitoral Suction Stimulator in return for an honest review.
PleX vibrating butt plug reviewed by Shamus MacDuff
PleX is a “customizable vibrating butt plug,” says its creator, Hot Octopuss. I see it more as a vibrating dildo for your rear end, more a pleasure plunger than a plug. The anal area is rich in erogenous nerve endings, whatever your gender.
Prostate owners will find PleX a fine “P spot” massager. The insertable part is 4.5 inches, more than enough to reach your prostate, which lies 3 to 4 inches from the start of the anal canal. But you don’t need to have a prostate to enjoy PleX for anal play.
How does it work? Anal toys give you a full feeling by putting pressure on internal erogenous zones. PleX’s 1.25-inch diameter (4-inch circumference) girth “full-fills” this via the shape of its nicely tapered bulb. Once sufficiently slick with water-based lube, PleX glides in easily. You can then move it in and out or wiggle it all about. By adjusting the five different vibration patterns and varying the strength of the Treble and Bass levels, you’ll locate the perfect vibratory buzz and spot you seek.
What’s “customizable”? PleX offers many vibration options via Hot Octopuss’s unique Treble-Bass feature. This special technology has two motors that you control separately to produce a host of delightful sensory combinations. Each has five speeds and five vibration modes with adjustable frequency. With this customizable device you can experiment and mix different Treble and Bass levels until you find the one — or more — just right for you.
I first enjoyed this patented Treble and Bass technology in 2019 with the JETT, Hot Octopuss’s second wonderful penis toy after the innovative Pulse “guybrator.” In 2021, they extended it to the Kurve — a much-lauded toy for vulva owners, which Joan calls “a party in your vagina!”
“Flex”? Hot Octopuss calls their toy “PleX with flex.” They promote the benefit of the insertable part bending up to 90 degrees in any direction. While that flexibility allows you to move PleX around at different angles, the bulb doesn’t hold or retain the bent position. It returns to its original shape almost immediately. “PleX with flex” may be a cute rhyme, but for me the flex adds nothing to the pleasure of the PleX.
Remote control: PleX comes with a remote control so you or someone else can change vibration levels without needing to touch the toy. The remote lets a partner surprise and stimulate you while you recline in pleasure. However, the remote is small — just 1.5 inches square — and very thin, making it easy to lose. It’s difficult to press the buttons on the remote with lubed fingers. (PleX’s controls on the toy itself are easy to manipulate, even with lubed fingers.)
Like all Hot Octopuss toys, PleX is made from body safe materials. Its sleek black matte silicone body with just a touch of chrome on the base radiates quality. It is completely waterproof (except for the remote), fully USB rechargeable via the pin cable included, and relatively quiet. It makes a delightful shower toy.
Personally, I find PleX to be much more than an anal toy. It’s a feel-good-all-over toy! Its separate patterns and vibration levels delight my penis, my scrotum, my perineum, and my nipples. I like to use PleX externally to excite these different erogenous zones before beginning anal play. Once I’m revved and lubed up, PleX provides a range of lovely sensations after insertion. I especially find it fun to alter the rhythmic variations and the vibration levels to explore different locational sensitivities.
PleX is a fine new fun toy from Hot Octopuss. Its versatility extends beyond the nether region, and it would make a superb gift for yourself or someone special.
—Shamus MacDuff, age 79, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys until about 5 years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read his other posts here.