11/8/2020: Betty Dodson died October 31, 2020, at age 91. I’m republishing this post from 7/12/11 to celebrate Betty’s life. Dear Betty, thank you for living audaciously and authentically and for teaching us so much about our right to sexual pleasure!
“There’s that pushy broad who drove me crazy!” I heard from inside Betty Dodson‘s apartment as I rang the doorbell.
Although Betty and I had corresponded by email, and she had written the fabulous foreword to Naked at Our Age, we had never met in person. Now, on this trip to New York in 2011, I was about to have the opportunity and pleasure of spending a couple of hours with this icon of sexual empowerment.
But — “drove me crazy”? Was she referring to me? Her memory was that I pursued her relentlessly until she agreed to write the foreword to Naked, after she told me a thousand times she was too busy.
My memory was that she had told me once that she was too busy. I had said, “Just read the table of contents and one chapter of the manuscript, and then tell me whether you can make time.” She had done so and said, “I’ll do it.”
I laugh at my unreliable memory a lot these days, and so does Betty at almost 83, though she’s as sharp, smart, and witty as any three young people combined, so maybe her version is right. Regardless, she loves the book and believes in my mission.
We bonded immediately. Within two minutes of my arrival, Betty lifted her tunic and flashed her bare booty at me, saying, “I haven’t finished getting dressed yet.”
“Woo hoo! Do that again,” I said, grabbing my cell phone camera. She repeated the action several times so I could get a good photo.
“May I post this on my blog?” I asked, showing Betty the best shot.
“Absolutely not!” she replied. So Betty Dodson’s naked butt resides on my phone photo gallery exclusively — sorry, folks!*
Betty gave me a tour of her apartment and showed me some of her extraordinary artwork. She took a couple of phone calls while I was there, from TV shows and interviewers. She’ll be celebrating her 83rd birthday at a huge event in Norway, is working on video projects, and is in no way slowing down. See her projects on her website: http://dodsonandross.com/.
Betty introduced me to the lively and lovely Carlin Ross, her business partner, who was sitting behind one of the three microphones set up in Betty’s bedroom/office. Carlin informed me that we were recording a podcast together. Oh!
The three of us chatted for an hour about senior sex, sharing and laughing and having a fine time.
I left Betty’s apartment joyful and even more impressed with Betty Dodson than I had been two hours before. What a woman. She called me “sister warrior” in an email after she read Naked at Our Age. On this day, she called me “friend.”
* 11/8/2020 update: Now that Betty is no longer here to object, is it time for me to share her naked butt photo? Nope. I pride myself on being trustworthy. But I’ll show you one of her paintings:
I was asked by a reporter for my best sex tips for better sex life during this time of sheltering in place, especially for couples who have been together for a long time. How many of these have you tried?
1. Take turns during sex. Luxuriate in having your partner’s full attention on you, pleasuring you in the ways that turn you on the most. Then after you’re fully satisfied, turn your attention to your partner. By taking turns instead of trying to please both of you with one activity (which might not be what you want at the moment), you get double the pleasure: yours and your partner’s.
2. Relive memories. Cuddle in bed and ask each other, “What do you remember about our first date?” or “What was our first kiss like for you?” or “When did you know you wanted to go to bed with me?” Describing how you felt when your relationship was new can help recapture those fluttery feelings of lust, even if you’ve been together for decades. Your brain is your main sex organ.
3. Try a new sex toy. There’s a world of sexy orgasm tools out there, and each one can arouse you in a new way. While you’re sheltering in place, look at the websites of your favorite sex toy retailer (or discover one of mine in this blog if you don’t have a favorite) and pick out something new. Explore together what it does and how you enjoy using it. Don’t know where to start? My Sex Toys for Seniors webinar is a lively show-and-tell of some of my favorites. Try a new lubricant, too!
4. Use a favorite sex toy in a new way. A vibrator that you use on your clitoris can arouse a penis as well, and nipples, and any erogenous zone. See how many new uses you can find for a toy. Explore! Fun suggestion: blindfold your partner and use a sex toy that your partner doesn’t expect. Or try “Refrigerator Sex“!
5. Gift the penis owner in your life a new vibrator. Whatever your gender, it’s common to need more stimulation for arousal and orgasm as we age. Vibrators for penises such as Hot Octopuss‘s Pulse or JETT or Fun Factory‘s Manta can take your penis of choice to a shattering orgasm while you assist or just watch — and they don’t require an erection for use.
6. Exercise together. Exercise increases blood flow to the genitals as well as to the muscles and brain. Dance in the living room. Take a Zoom exercise class together. Power walk around the block. Chase each other through the house. Exercise before sex can rev up your arousal and make orgasm easier!
7. Talk before, during, and after sex about your desires and pleasures. Ask for what you want. Tell partners what you love about what they do to/for/with you. Talk about new things you’d like to try, fantasies you’d like to explore, new ways you’d like to be touched. Your partner wants to please you, so make it easier to know what you want. Communication is sexy!
Do you have your own favorite tips you’d like to share? Tell us in the comments.
Older guys offer something special for younger partners, gay or straight. Men often run towards younger partners, and this is not only the case with kings, superstars and businessmen. Even in Disney cartoons, notice the notable age discrepancy between the damsel in distress and the hero of the story.
The situation in the gay world is similar. But older men are often the partners of choice for younger men. I, for example — as a young gay man — am of the opinion that getting older only means getting better. At age 30, I am attracted to older men, often much older. Why? What do they give me that I need? In the style of a Carrie Bradshaw gone gay, guys, I tried to pin down why I prefer older men. It’s for several different reasons.
Older means more mature
I believe that age is nothing but a number. As long as you’re on the same level mentally, there’s really nothing to worry about. In 90% of instances, the best indicator of a person’s maturity is their age. Older guys are more mature, know how to take care of things and in what order they should take care of them. They know how life functions. Many of us are simply into silver foxes. (Hi, George Clooney, if you’re reading this.)
Good sex as a goal
Age makes for better sex as well. Besides being able to talk on a variety of topics, most older guys are also very knowledgeable in the bedroom. They are not scared of trying new things in bed, maybe because they feel they have something to prove. And they do prove it! What I managed to do is convince my man that experimenting with sex toys such as this cock ring can have amazing benefits for both of us.
Kinky and fearless
The kinkiest sex I ever had was with guys twice my age. What do older guys have that younger guys don’t, and what’s the catch there? Someone who’s older than you will gladly take you wherever you want to go. One of the biggest trends in the sex world today (both gay and straight) is the use of sex toys, and do not think that older guys won’t use them. There are that they can choose from. If sex toys are new to them, they might be somewhat uncomfortable with them at first, but rest assured that they will do whatever they can to make it happen.
Nothing sexier than confidence
It might be a coincidence, but the majority of older guys I dated had a certain career behind them, which only made them more confident in who they are and what they have to show. It’s amazing what a good career and an established occupation can do to a person. If he translates this success into his personal life, you will get to reap the fruit, and it tastes amazing!
To conclude, older guys offer something that people my age do not. And yes, sometimes they will have to understand where I’m coming from and what I want, but they want to keep up with all the trends in the best possible way. So, if you’re into them like I am, go ahead. They’re mature, have their life together, and most importantly – they know what they want.
The new Limba Flex dildos from Fun Factory are as practical as they are lovely. The Limba Flex M is 6.8 inches long, yet only 1.2 inches in diameter. The Limba Flex S is shorter — 4.7 inches long — and slightly slimmer at 1.1″ diameter. The shapes are different — they’re not just different size versions of the same dildo. They’re both made of body-safe silicone.
The best part about these dildos is that they bend! You can get just the right curve or angle for hitting the G-spot or prostate and for accommodating arthritic wrists.
I found the M much easier to bend than the S, probably because of the length. The M bent easily from completely straight, to tilted at the tip, to curved a little, to about 90 degrees. The S changed angle also, but with fewer variations, and it took some wrestling.
There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of girthy dildos in sex toy land, many of them uncomfortable or even unusable for aging vaginas. (Your preferred dildo width will vary, of course.) I’m grateful to Fun Factory for creating these lovely creatures that work well for those of us who find a slim fit more comfortable. Combine this with the flex option, and these are winners. As with all Fun Factory toys, they are high quality and built to last. Learn more and order here.
FYI the colors in the photos look lighter and bluer than the actual dildos, which are dark teal (M) and turquoise (S). Use with plenty of water-based lubricant for best results.
More Fun Factory pleasure tools you’ll want to check out:
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So many ways to enjoy a dildo!
- Solo: Hold the dildo and insert it vaginally or anally*, as you please.
- Solo x2: Hold the dildo in one hand for penetration and a vibrator in the other for clitoral stimulation. Isn’t that why we have two hands?
- Partnered manual: You or your partner holds the dildo during sex pleasuring.
- Partnered with harness: You or your partner penetrates the other by wearing the dildo in a harness, such as these from Smitten Kitten. If the wearer has erectile limitations, consider the Deuce harness from SpareParts which accommodates both a dildo and a penis, erect or not.
- Temperature play: Experiment with chilling your silicone or glass dildo in the refrigerator or in a bowl of ice. Prefer warm? Warm it in hot water. Or switch between the two!
- Experiment your way! This is just an introduction. There are no limits to what you, your body, and your imagination might enjoy.
* Important: Don’t switch from anal to vaginal with an insertable toy or a body part, no matter how squeaky clean you feel. If you want to switch without getting up to clean your dildo (or body part), have two and designate which goes where. Another option is to use condoms on your dildo and change condoms between orifices. For anal play safety, be sure you’re using a dildo with a flared base. All the dildos recommended here have flared bases.
More dildo resources for you:
- Read “Dil-do’s and Dil-don’ts” from Good Vibrations to learn more about dildos and how to choose the right one for you.
- Most of the sex toy retailers in the right hand column (advertisers and affiliates) carry an extensive line of dildos. Think first about what you want in size and shape, and where you’ll want it to go.
- For the largest selection of silicone dildos of every shape, size, color, and design imaginable, check out Tantus. I think my Tantus Paisley dildo is the most beautiful. Although the color combination in mine isn’t available now, you can get the same model with all the wonderful bumps and swirls in “true blood red” or “twilight” blue. This one has a 1.5-inch diameter.
- Kenton at Funkit Toys enjoys experimenting with colors and designs and, oh, the results are eye-popping. Kenton makes paddles and floggers as well as dildos. His Twitter feed is always interesting and often hilarious.