Sex without Penetration: A Man’s View

The day after my first “Great Sex Without Penetration” webinar, I received this email from an attendee:

“How is it possible for a 69-year-old woman and a 72-year-old man to enjoy 3 continuous hours of non-stop sex and joyful lovemaking, and then fall contentedly to sleep? And pick right up in the morning, seemingly where we left off? Use Joan’s “sex without penetration” method, and leave out any and all expectations! Really. I owe you a big time testimonial!”

A couple of months later, I gave this webinar again, and another man raved to me about how well the techniques and especially the attitude adjustment worked for him and his new lover. I asked if he was willing to say more, and he sent me this. I share with you with his approval:

Sex without Penetration

by Shamus MacDuff

Like most heterosexual males who learned about sex via Playboy, locker room talk, and pornography, I grew up thinking that “real sex” involved putting my penis in a woman’s vagina and thrusting in and out until I ejaculated. Oh, how wrong I was!

Widowed at age 73 after two long marriages, I was very fortunate to meet a wonderful, sex-positive woman via an online dating site. We clicked almost instantly and soon became lovers.

Thankfully, by then I had taken Joan Price’s webinar, “Great Sex Without Penetration.” It taught me that loving, happy, joyous sex is much more than the classic sexual intercourse — putting penis-in-vagina (PIV: a term I learned from the webinar) — which I had thought defined sex. The webinar also surprised me with the fact that very few women achieve orgasms that way.

When this new woman and I were first exploring each other, open and caring communications about sex without penetration aided us in learning how to please each other and reach a crescendo of sexual joy.

My patient lover explained to me exactly how to bring her to orgasm, which had everything to do with clitoral stimulation and nothing to do with intercourse. Since the webinar emphasized the central importance of good communication toward achieving mutual pleasure and orgasm, I was grateful for my lover’s guidance.

Exploring each other without the goal of PIV also let us enjoy excitement and orgasms without any performance anxiety about whether my erection would be hard enough or last long enough. That didn’t matter!

I’ve discovered that giving a woman pleasure via cunnilingus and touching is highly arousing for me. giving me more excitement and pleasure than PIV. My lover equally enjoys pleasing me with fellatio, stroking, and sex toys. Another of Joan’s webinars, “Sex Toys for Seniors,” introduced me to the variety of sex toys and the many fun ways that they can be employed. I’m sure that other men will find, as I have, that these toys heighten sexual pleasure without penetration — for us as well as for our partners!

So, listen up, guys: if you’re an older man in search of mutual pleasure and sexual fulfillment, sex without penetration is the way to go!

Note from Joan: If you’d like to take one of my workshops live or virtually, see my upcoming schedule here. But you don’t have to wait for me to come to a city near you — recordings of my webinars are available now. 


  1. Lee jones on October 25, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    what I used to do all night now takes all night to to do, so be it!

    Thank God for Viagra!

  2. anand vishrant on June 12, 2019 at 5:52 am

    Heart problems so cock doesnt go up so this whole website is wonderful

  3. Joan Price on September 29, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    That's a fine idea, Ronni. I also strongly suggest watching my Great Sex Without Penetration webinar (link above in this post) — 90 minutes of why and how to create a full sex life without the goal of penetration. It also includes suggestions for how to talk about it with a partner.

    – Joan

  4. Ronni Gordon on September 29, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    I'm having "PIV" for the first time in a very long time. We both enjoy it and feel very close when doing it, but neither has an orgasm. After reading the pertinent part in your book Naked at Our Age (after buying it at the ASJA conference) and reading this column, I think it's time to remove that as the goal and do other things. I'm talking to this new guy more than I ever talked to my ex-husband (which was basically never), but still I'm shy about discussing it. I'm wondering if the way to open the conversation is to say that I've been reading up and then quoting some parts of the book and this column to start a discussion. Since I'm a writer myself that might be a good way to do it.

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