Posts by Joan Price
Sex without Penetration: A Man’s View
The day after my first “Great Sex Without Penetration” webinar, I received this email from an attendee:
“How is it possible for a 69-year-old woman and a 72-year-old man to enjoy 3 continuous hours of non-stop sex and joyful lovemaking, and then fall contentedly to sleep? And pick right up in the morning, seemingly where we left off? Use Joan’s “sex without penetration” method, and leave out any and all expectations! Really. I owe you a big time testimonial!”
Sex without Penetration
Like most heterosexual males who learned about sex via Playboy, locker room talk, and pornography, I grew up thinking that “real sex” involved putting my penis in a woman’s vagina and thrusting in and out until I ejaculated. Oh, how wrong I was!
Widowed at age 73 after two long marriages, I was very fortunate to meet a wonderful, sex-positive woman via an online dating site. We clicked almost instantly and soon became lovers.
Thankfully, by then I had taken Joan Price’s webinar, “Great Sex Without Penetration.” It taught me that loving, happy, joyous sex is much more than the classic sexual intercourse — putting penis-in-vagina (PIV: a term I learned from the webinar) — which I had thought defined sex. The webinar also surprised me with the fact that very few women achieve orgasms that way.
When this new woman and I were first exploring each other, open and caring communications about sex without penetration aided us in learning how to please each other and reach a crescendo of sexual joy.
My patient lover explained to me exactly how to bring her to orgasm, which had everything to do with clitoral stimulation and nothing to do with intercourse. Since the webinar emphasized the central importance of good communication toward achieving mutual pleasure and orgasm, I was grateful for my lover’s guidance.
Exploring each other without the goal of PIV also let us enjoy excitement and orgasms without any performance anxiety about whether my erection would be hard enough or last long enough. That didn’t matter!
I’ve discovered that giving a woman pleasure via cunnilingus and touching is highly arousing for me. giving me more excitement and pleasure than PIV. My lover equally enjoys pleasing me with fellatio, stroking, and sex toys. Another of Joan’s webinars, “Sex Toys for Seniors,” introduced me to the variety of sex toys and the many fun ways that they can be employed. I’m sure that other men will find, as I have, that these toys heighten sexual pleasure without penetration — for us as well as for our partners!
So, listen up, guys: if you’re an older man in search of mutual pleasure and sexual fulfillment, sex without penetration is the way to go!
Note from Joan: If you’d like to take one of my workshops live or virtually, see my upcoming schedule here. But you don’t have to wait for me to come to a city near you — recordings of my webinars are available now.
Rumble: Unique, Lightweight Vibrator from Tantus
Do you want a vibrator that’s well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and fairly strong — with a truly ergonomic shape, size, and weight? Impossible, you say? Check out The Rumble from Tantus, a solution if you have wrist arthritis or any condition that makes it difficult to grip or hold up a wand vibrator for as long as it takes to get the job done.
I couldn’t believe how light the Rumble is to hold: just 6.6 ounces. (For comparison, the Doxy Die Cast, fabulous as it is, weighs almost two pounds.) Tantus describes the Rumble as “featherweight,” and I agree. The shape is also unique — you can hold it in several different ways and it remains easy on the wrist. The silicone head is removable for easy cleaning — it’s even dishwasher safe.
I love the size of the head. The shape is versatile: you can use it flat-headed for all-over vulva sensations, or, if/when you prefer, tilt it so that the edge pinpoints your clitoris. Either way (or changing it up as you go), the sensation is yummy. Although I’m speaking from the point of view of a vulva owner, its use is not restricted to a particular gender — all Tantus products are gender neutral. (I’d love to hear from you about how your penis enjoys it.)
The controls are large, easy to see (they even light up), and even if your hand is closed over them, you’re not likely to press a button accidentally. Some vibrators are annoying because either any light touch turns the darn thing off, or the opposite, you have to use uncomfortable pressure. The Rumble has it right — you can touch or glide over the buttons while adjusting how you want to hold it, and you won’t accidentally turn it off. When you do want to change the settings, a light, intentional pressure will do it. The power button is placed far away from the “-” and “+” buttons, good thinking.
Is it as strong as the monster king vibrators I tend to prefer, like the Doxy Die Cast, Magic Wand, or Sybian? No, not even close. But for those of you who don’t require a turbo power tool to get your orgasm going, you’ll prefer the lightweight Rumble for the ergonomic qualities I described. Even if you usually do require mondo stimulation, you might find — as I did! — that when you’re especially in the mood, this works just dandy.
The Rumble is USB rechargeable and has seven settings — three intensities and four additional patterns. The vibrations at the lower settings are deep and rumbly, which makes the sensations especially pleasurable, though they do get buzzier with higher speeds. The Rumble is quieter than most wand vibrators.
Tantus is a wonderful company for many reasons. It’s owned by one of my favorite sex educators and innovators, Metis Black. Metis spearheaded the silicone sex toy movement in 1997, long before the rest of us were aware of the health repercussions of the materials used in sex toys at that time. Metis values the health of her customers as much as our pleasure, plus she’s a delightful, warm person.
If you’re into dildos or butt plugs of any size or shape, take a look at the original silicone products created by Tantus. And don’t miss the sex ed articles — pegging, spanking, and how to bring up that sexual itch that’s been tickling your brain, for example. Now I’ve got your attention!
Thank you, Tantus, for the gift of the Rumble in return for an honest review.
The review above was originally published 9/8/16. My 8/1/17 update:
The dear folks at Tantus sent me the Dorado Head to try with my Rumble. The Dorado has a silicone “fin” shape that flicks and flutters, good for stimulating any erogenous zone that wants to be flicked and fluttered.
I found the sensation underwhelming for clitoral arousal, but my penis owner tester reported that it felt nice on his nipples and oh yeah, really, REALLY nice when fluttered up and down and on and around his penis.
For just an extra $24, this attachment makes the Rumble even more versatile. All the Rumble attachments (scroll down from here to view three styles) are easily interchangeable — just pull off the regular head and substitute the attachment of your choice.
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| Bobby Joe helps me open the Dorado packaging |
Womanizer Plus and 2Go — oh yes!
The Womanizer — the sex toy whose name we hate and whose orgasm assistance we love — has two new models! There’s the long-handled Womanizer Plus and the lipstick-shaped Womanizer 2Go. As soon as I expressed interest, Good Vibrations rushed to ship me both to review. (Love you, Educator Andy!) I was surprised by how powerfully — and quickly! — both worked.
Let’s get one thing settled. In my earlier reviews of the original Womanizer and the later model Womanizer W500, I dubbed the sensation “clitoral suction.” I described it this way:
It doesn’t just vibrate (though it does do that) — it gently pulls on the clitoris, bringing blood flow, engorgement, and increased sensation. It’s not “sucking” like a vacuum — it’s subtle, but oh so effective and pleasurable.
I stand by my description of the sensation, but I guess I need to stop calling it “sucking.” Other reviewers** have pointed out that it doesn’t “suck” — it blows puffs of air in pressurized pulses. The company calls it “Pleasure Air Technology.” It feels like gentle sucking to me, and it feels glorious. In my experience, both of these new Womanizers speed up arousal and deliver orgasms easily and surprisingly quickly.
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| Heads in two sizes |
These Womanizers are more attractive than the previous models — the garishness is gone — and the control buttons*** are easier to use. Both come with detachable heads in two sizes and shapes to get the best fit for your clitoris. (Look carefully — the extra head is easy to miss underneath the packaging.) Both models are waterproof!
(10/21/2020 update: Sorry, this model is no longer available.)
Pros:
* Smallish and light to pack for travel — this one is going in my carry-on for sure!
* Quite strong, considering the comparatively small size.
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| Womanizer 2Go (L) Laura Mercier lipstick (R) |
Cons:
* It’s the shape of a lipstick, but not the size. See the difference? This is only a con if you expect teeny tiny.
* The case does not stay closed securely. A little nudge will dislodge the cap from the base. This is a design flaw, and an aggravating one. Be careful if you’re carrying it in your purse. Don’t let the cat knock it around.
(10/21/2020 update: Sorry, this model is no longer available.)
Pros:
* The long handle is splendidly ergonomic, especially for short arms and arthritic wrists. The design is a huge improvement over previous models.
* The sensation is strong, dependable, and joyous.
Cons:
* I didn’t find any cons. Other reviewers criticized the placement of the controls, high and low on the back of the handle, but I liked that I couldn’t accidentally turn it down or off.
* Wait — one con: the price. Yeah, it’s as expensive as two high-quality sex toys. But in my view, if you can afford the $200, the pleasure and ease of orgasm make it worth it. Of course your mileage may vary.
** The funny and often snarky Epiphora described the sensation as akin to “a horde of fish nibbling tenderly at your clitoris.” The “sex toy critic/ dildo burner” Dangerous Lilly wrote, “I’ve been told by Womanizer there is no vacuum/suction, instead, the technology is ‘pressurized air pulses,'” in her remarkably thorough review of both of these products, Womanizer 2Go and Womanizer Plus, and comparison of all the Womanizer models and the Satisfyer (which I haven’t yet reviewed, but it’s in the pipeline). Why am I sending you to other reviewers? Because they’re marvelous, and if you don’t already read Epiphora and Dangerous Lilly, you should!
*** Control buttons:
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| Controls back of handle |
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| 2Go control button on bottom |
Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me these Womanizers in return for an honest review.
Over 50? Your sex toy store experiences
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| Joan at Smitten Kitten Minneapolis |
6/30/17 update: So many folks in our age group have never shopped in a sex toy shop, or think they’re all dark, scary, and sticky-floored. I describe today’s progressive sex toy store, demystify the experience of shopping there, and encourage you to find the closest store and visit in “How to Shop for Sex Toys” for Senior Planet. I quoted several of you! I hope you’ll comment there and copy your comment here, too. Thanks for being part of our community.
How old were you when you first visited a sex toy store? If your first visit was after age 50, what was that like for you? How did the staff make you feel comfortable (or not)? Was it difficult for you to ask questions? I invite you to share by posting a comment.
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| Good Vibrations San Francisco |
Many of my events are in sex toy stores. At 73, I’m comfortable in stores whose walls are populated by shelves of vibrators and dildos. I love to visit to see what’s new. I pal around with staff members, delighting in the kinds of discussions that sex nerds enjoy.
Yet I frequently hear from people of my generation that they don’t feel comfortable even going into a sex toy shop, let alone asking intimate questions of strangers who look to be the age of their grandchildren. I know what terrific resources these stores are, staffed by trained sex educators and filled with sex toys (aka “orgasm tools,” as I sometimes call them) that can intensify your sexual pleasure in ways you thought had disappeared or at least decreased after a certain number of birthdays.
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| Pleasure Chest NYC |
I’d love for this post to become a discussion. Whether you love sex toy shops or you’ve never dared go in one, or anything in between, please share your experiences and views as comments on this post.* You don’t have to use your real name (choose something other than “anonymous,” please, just so we can keep track of who’s saying what), but please give your real age.
I might want to quote from your experience in an upcoming article. I won’t identify you, except by age, unless you want me to. Thank you!
* Please, though, don’t post a comment aimed at promoting your own business. If you want to advertise on this blog (a very good idea if you want to reach our age group, but only after I scrutinize your site, the quality of your products, and your customer service), email me to inquire. Any commercial promotions disguised as comments will be swiftly deleted.