Posts by Joan Price
Perfect Strangers by Dorothy Freed
Dorothy Freed‘s Perfect Strangers: A Memoir of the Swinging Seventies is both one woman’s personal story and the story of an era: the mid-1970s in San Francisco. Freed divorces a husband who cheated on her with her best friend and called her a “frigid bitch” because she didn’t have vaginal orgasms. She goes on to explore her sexuality with whomever she chooses during 4 years of self-described “wanton promiscuity.” She has plenty of sex with plenty of men, yes. But orgasms? Not so easy.
Whether you had a wild side in the 1970s, or you still do, or you didn’t, but wonder what that was like, Freed’s memoir is honest and insightful. She navigates not only hook-ups, but her sense of self as she searches to define her sexuality in her own way — not what her era taught or her ex-husband demanded.
Now 73, Freed looks back at this time of her life with candor and the perspective of a woman who gained much life wisdom and self-knowledge (and many orgasms) since that time. I asked Dorothy a few questions:
JP: What made you want to put this memoir into the world at this point, 40 years later?
 |
| Dorothy Freed then |
Later, when I examined how much I’d learned about myself in that four year span of time, I realized my story was a memoir of the swinging ’70s, with historical significance, and one that needed to be shared with a larger audience.JP: What message do you want people of our age, particularly, to get from your memoir?DF: My message is to look back on the ’70s as an era of unprecedented personal freedom, a time before AIDS colored our sexual world-view in dark hues.
By the end of the memoir, my erotic behavior changed, but not because of fear of disease. I changed it because I saw no future in it. What was missing from my life was love and affection from a male partner. To achieve that, I needed to back away from my casual sex lifestyle, and focus on earning my living by making and selling my artwork — and being open to the possibility of meeting a suitable man.
 |
| Dorothy Freed now |
JP: Any advice to people of our age about exploring their sexuality, whether or not they did it the way you did?
DF: If there’s still a spark alive inside you, reach out to embrace the adventure.
JP: Do you have any regrets?
DF: No, I don’t. Events unfolded as they should. The path I chose was right for me.
“Sex after 65” in the news
How would you interpret the question, “Are you currently sexually active?” if a researcher asked you. (Please answer by posting a comment.)
Do people have sex after 60? How about after 65?
I’m often complaining that little is known about our age group’s sexual behavior and beliefs because no one asks us. So I was delighted to learn that researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 1,002 people between 65 and 80 about their sex lives as part of the National Poll on Healthy Aging 2018. The report, titled “Sex after 65. Health, gender differences, and lack of communication,” was released on May 3, 2018.
Here are some of the findings:
- 40 percent of people between the ages of 65 and 80 are sexually active.
- 54 percent of those with a partner are sexually active.
- Nearly 2/3 of older adults say they’re interested in sex.
- More than 50% say sex is important to their quality of life.
- 73 percent said they are satisfied with their current sex life.
- 18 percent of older men and 3 percent of older women say they’ve taken medications or supplements to improve sexual function in the past two years.
- Only 17 percent of older adults said they have talked with their doctor or other health care provider about sexual health in the past two years.
- Those between the ages of 65 and 70 were nearly twice as likely as those in their late 70s to be sexually active.
- 50% of men but just 12 percent of women aged 65 to 80 said they were extremely or very interested in sex.
As I read this, I kept asking myself how they defined sex or sexually active or sex lives. Did sex with a vibrator, a partner’s hand or mouth, or one’s own hand count as sexually active or having a sex life? (I say yes.) I asked Erica Solway, Ph.D., co-associate director of the poll, who told me,
We did not define sex because we wanted the response to be based on the individual’s definition of what constitutes sex (or their sex life or being sexually active) from their own perspective. We felt this was important, but it does mean that we do not have information on what activities people were referring to when they reported they were or were not sexually active. It’s possible that two people engaged in the same activities may have responded to the questions differently based on their personal definition.
I agree that our own definition of what constitutes sex is important in a study like this — I applaud this, in fact. But I would have liked that clearer in the poll questions. For example, “Are you currently sexually active?” could have been worded, “Do you engage in sexual activity?” That may sound almost the same, but I have a hunch that many people would interpret the first question as “Do you have sex with a partner?” and the second as “Do you have sex, either with a partner or with yourself?” Asking the question differently would have raised the percentage of people who answered yes to that question, seems to me.
What do you think, readers? Am I off base? How would you interpret the question, “Are you currently sexually active?” (Please answer in the comments section.)
The wording of the questions is a minor quibble, though, because I understand that the poll was multiple-choice, not essay questions, and answered online, not via an interview. In the end, I’m happy that someone’s asking.
This report was all over the news. Here are some of the headlines:
- CNN: “Seniors, new poll says, are still sexy after all these years“
- USA Today: “Seniors and sex: Many adults ages 65-80 are having sex (and most are pretty satisfied)“
- US News: “Study: Many Adults Ages 65 to 80 Continue to Be Sexually Active“
- The Guardian: “Sex a key part of life for people over 65, study says“
- Bustle: “The Sex Lives Of People Over 65 Are Thriving, Study Finds, So There’s Finally Something to Look Forward To“
As glad as I was to see this study in the news, I couldn’t help wondering why the [younger] public is so surprised that we seniors have sex on our minds and in our beds. Why would we give up something so pleasurable? Do they expect that on some predetermined birthday, we’ll just say, “Sex? Been there, done that, moving on. Now help me blow out all these candles.”
Thank you, University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation, for conducting the study, and AARP and Michigan Medicine, U-M’s academic medical center, for sponsoring it. Let’s keep talking.
Sleek and Ergonomic: Le Wand Petite review
Sleek, handsome, comfortable, strong, and easy to hold. You’d think I was describing my latest man crush, but — no surprise, right? — it’s a vibrator that has me sighing: the shiny purple Le Wand Petite. It also comes in a lovely rose gold. It happened that both The Smitten Kitten and Le Wand were eager for my opinion, and independently, they each sent me Le Wand Petite. Lucky me — I have both colors!
Le Wand Petite is stylish looking and refreshingly ergonomic. Despite its 10-inch length and fairly large head, the handle tapers to under 2 inches in diameter, making it easy for arthritic hands to hold. Nice for short arms, too! And it’s light. Very light. Just under 8 ounces.
Like many wand vibrators, you’ll feel some light vibrations through the handle, but the high-power vibrations stay focused in the comfortable, silicone head. The neck is somewhat flexible, but only a fraction of an inch unless you press hard.
Le Wand Petite works delightfully as a solo clitoral vibrator, and the slim wand and long handle also make it easy to give yourself clitoral stimulation during partner sex. A penis can also enjoy the stimulation — this isn’t a gendered vibrator.
 |
| Magic Wand, Le Wand, Touch |
But is it “petite” as the name claims? Compared to the original Le Wand (I’ll add my review of that one soon) or the Magic Wand — yes. Compared to the vibrators that usually accompany me on my travels, like the We-Vibe Touch — no. However, it’s so slim and light that it’s easy to pack and carry.
It’s USB rechargeable and shower friendly, and comes with a zipped travel/storage pouch. The raised buttons are easy to locate by touch without looking, though you’ll have to memorize which is “+” and which is “-” if you don’t want to stop the action.
Despite the claims of “10 rumbly vibration speeds and 6 vibration patterns,” I wouldn’t call the higher speeds “rumbly.” The low speeds are rumbly, but get buzzier as the intensity increases. Is it as strong as my 75-year-old body likes? It’s not a Magic Wand or a Sybian, but it doesn’t claim to be, and it’s surprisingly powerful for a vibrator that weighs less than 8 ounces. If you want strong but don’t require turbo power, you’ll be happy.
Full disclosure: So this happened. After several happy experiences with each Le Wand Petite, the purple one stopped turning on. It was fully charged, but would make just a quick buzz, then turn off and stay off. The marvelous Le Wand people jumped to give suggestions and offer a replacement, saying this was not a problem others had reported. Then a few days later, I turned it on, same problem, but after I wiggled the head (because… why not?), it turned on and stayed on. I’ve tested the off/on again, with no problems. I didn’t want to post a review without mentioning this, but I’m confident that it was a quirky glitch that righted itself. If you do have problems, Le Wand has a one-year warranty.
Many thanks to The Smitten Kitten and Le Wand for providing me with Le Wand Petite in return for an honest review.
Fun Factory Sex Toys!
2025 Update: Fun Factory has been sold to another company, and its future is uncertain. I’m updating this review so that you can find my favorites of the Fun Factory vibrators from other retailers that I endorse. Get them while they’re available!
Lucky me! I own a toy box of new vibrators from Fun Factory. As the name implies and the photo illustrates, each colorful Fun Factory vibrator has something playful about it. Sex toys for older women do exist and I’m going to give you the low down.
The shape may be a dolphin, a cuttlefish, a caterpillar, a race car. You can’t help laughing as you try to describe it, and I’m sure that’s intentional. Sex is fun. Solo sex is fun. Sex with vibrators is fun.
These Fun Factory toys have much in common, so I’m doing a round-up instead of reviewing the toys individually and repeating myself. All are well-made of body-safe, medical-grade silicone and they’re waterproof for shower, tub, and pool use. Most charge via a USB magnetic charger, simple as can be, and they hold a charge for a long time. Yes, I have my favorites with unique qualities, and I’ll tell you what makes them special.
My top favorite is the Volta. It’s delightfully versatile. The curved shape and vibrating tips (I think of them as “flippers”) can give pleasure in several ways. For example:
- Nuzzle a clitoris by surrounding the glans (protruding tip of the clitoris) with the flippers.
- Rest the curve of the Volta over the vulva for all-over stimulation.
- Separate the flippers to vibrate the clitoris and the vaginal entrance simultaneously.
- Cuddle or circle around the head of a penis.
- Stroke the shaft of a penis with the flippers during fellatio.
The Volta is not only versatile, it’s wonderfully strong! Take your choice of 6 intensity levels, oh my, and 6 rhythm patterns. It’s rumbly rather than buzzy, which I appreciate.
My second favorite is Patchy Paul (explain that name to me, please), caterpillar shaped including two eyes.* The shape makes it perfect for G-spot penetration, or clitoral pinpointing, or curving over the vulva.
I find most Fun Factory penetrative toys too girthy for pleasure, but Patchy Paul starts narrow — 1.1 inch diameter at the tip — and gradually increases in girth, bloop by bloop, to 1.7 inches in diameter. Unless you like really deep penetration, that widest bloop won’t matter. It’s also fairly flexible, making it even more comfortable. Like the Volta, you get 6 intensities and 6 rhythm patterns.
 |
Patchy Paul’s fake eyes |
* A fun fact for you: Many caterpillars have fake eye spots so that predators think they’re snakes. Patchy Paul has fake eye spots to make us laugh.
 |
caterpillar with fake eyes |
Both Volta and Patchy Paul have ergonomic loop handles — no wrist twisting (great for older wrists!) required, and no problem with lubed fingers. Besides solo use, the long shape and tapered ends make them work between bodies to add clitoral stimulation during partnered penetrative sex.
You can’t choose between them? If you like simultaneous clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration and you can budget for both, double your pleasure by using Volta on the clitoris and Patchy Paul vaginally. Wowza. Of course you can do that with any two sex toys that fit your needs — I’m not saying you have to buy two new products for this experience. But Volta and Patchy Paul work especially well as a team, thanks to the shapes — they don’t get in the way of each other.
Cobra Libre II is a popular penis vibrator. It’s designed to envelop and vibrate the head of the penis, the most sensitive area for most penis owners. Experiment with how you like to hold it and use it. Shamus MacDuff, my penis-owning reviewer, tells me:
“I used lube on just my penis at first and although it felt good, it didn’t get me to orgasm. The next time, I added a generous amount of lube inside the Cobra Libre, and woo! That made it possible to slightly thrust in and out, all the while being stimulated by vibrations. I discovered that for me, the toy works best held in what seems like an upside down position, as that better follows the upward curve of my erection. Whee! Full orgasm. Knocked me out.”
Always use water-based lubricant with Fun Factory products, which are made of silicone. They can be damaged by oils and creams, so be careful with other substances on your body such as sunscreen, Fun Factory warns.
 Volta and Patchy Paul repose after fun in the shower |