Dry Orgasm
Dry Orgasm
by Shamus MacDuff
My first dry orgasm surprised me. I was reveling in the myriad delightful sensations of my orgasm, when my partner observed that there was no semen. Really? It felt the same as other orgasms with ejaculation. This struck me as unusual or even unnatural. My partner reassured me that a “dry orgasm in men” was normal – the first I’d heard that term! I didn’t know then that ejaculation is unnecessary to experience orgasm.
“Ejaculation is an event that takes place in the penis,” explains Dr. Andrew Siegel. “Orgasm occurs in the brain.” Occasional orgasms without ejaculation — “dry orgasms” — are common as we age, and in most cases are no cause for alarm. A dry orgasm occurs when a penis owner reaches sexual climax without ejaculation — no fluid emerges from the penis.
As penis owners, we’re used to sexual climax involving these components:
- Emission (secretions deposited into the urethra)
- Ejaculation (contractions of the pelvic floor muscles that push the seminal fluid out the urethra in an explosive eruption)
- Orgasm (the intense emotional feelings that accompany the physical act of ejaculation)
Many of us are surprised and worried the first time we have a dry orgasm. Thankfully, in most cases, there’s nothing to fret about. It is quite common to climax and ejaculate “wetly” in some sexual encounters, and to orgasm “dryly” on other occasions.
Michael Castleman
Like me, most penis owners experience intense pleasure when orgasming, whether it’s wet or dry. Dry orgasms happen normally from time to time. Their frequency increases with age, as they accompany other age-related changes. Michael Castleman, sex journalist for 46 years and author of Sizzling Sex for Life: How to Maximize Erotic Pleasure at Any Age, explains,
“Menopausal women notice vaginal dryness and atrophy. Men notice that the volume of fluid in their ejaculations gradually declines, and in some men over 70, more or less disappears.”
With aging, the prostate gland enlarges. The pelvic floor muscles also weaken, diminishing the power of ejaculation. These are normal age changes and may contribute to dry orgasms. There’s usually no reason for worry about the occasional dry orgasm. However, if you begin to experience dry orgasms regularly, consult a doctor to find out what might be causing this.
Some medical conditions may contribute to frequent dry orgasms, such as surgery to remove the prostate as a treatment for prostate cancer. As Michael Castleman notes, “Afterwards, they still come, but any seminal fluid spurts not out of the penis, but backwards into the bladder, where it mixes with urine and leaves the body during urination.”
Medical causes for dry orgasms include
- Removal of the prostate and seminal glands
- Laser prostate surgery
- Radiotherapy to treat prostate cancer
- Operations for testicular and bladder cancer
- Diabetes
- Multiple sclerosis
- Spinal cord injuries
- Some drugs, such as Flomax to control urinary problems and various blood pressure and psychiatric medications
- Severe emotional stress and other situational psychological issues
All of us experience changes in our sexual selves as we age. We take longer to reach an erection (here’s where sex toys and lubricants can assist!), and our erections are not as firm or reliable as they once were. Our refractory period after ejaculation increases, and the amount of ejaculate we produce decreases. On occasion, we don’t produce seminal fluid, and we experience a dry orgasm.
All of this is simply a normal part of growing older and no cause for upset. I find that when my own dry orgasms occur, they are every bit as powerful and satisfying as their juicier and more frequent counterparts. I wish you the same. And, if you’re still worried, consider this comment from Michael Castleman:
“Dry orgasm has advantages. No wet spot. Women who never liked semen in their mouths and/or swallowing can provide fellatio more happily. And older men can self-sex with less messy evidence to dispose of. The key thing is to alert older men that this happens, that it’s normal and no big deal.”
I invite you to comment and share your own experience with dry orgasms.
Additional resources:
- “Ejaculation: What to Expect As You Age,” New Jersey Urology
- “Is It Normal, Doc? Five Changes All Men Experience as They Age,” Tower Urology
- “Should Men Worry About Dry Orgasms?” Sexual Medicine Society of North America
- “Dry Orgasm: Why It Happens and What You Can Do,” Healthline
— Shamus MacDuff, age 77, has been writing for this blog since 2017, when he wrote the popular post, “Sex without Penetration: A Man’s View.” Since then, he has become my reviewer of sex toys for penis owners. Read Shamus MacDuff’s other posts.
Senior Sex Toy Focus Group Invitation
UPDATE: The focus groups have ended. But please visit Hot Octopuss for a variety of exceptional sex toys for penises and vulvas.
Are you a senior (age 50-80+) with opinions about sex toys, and you’re not shy about sharing them with us? Hot Octopuss and I invite you to participate in a live, online focus group for seniors discussing sex, sex toys, and more. In return for an hour of your time, you’ll get $100 towards your purchase of Hot Octopuss products — and the satisfaction of knowing that a company that is invested in your sexual pleasure is listening to you!
Hot Octopuss is looking for your thoughts on sex, sex toys, and how you buy them. Joan Price, our Senior Sexpert, will conduct our secure Senior Sex online focus groups and would love your views in exchange for $100 in vouchers.
Focus groups will last one hour. They will be recorded by Hot Octopuss and moderated by Joan. All information will be treated with the strictest confidentiality in line with our privacy policy. Your name or image will not be mentioned or used publicly. Register now by taking this confidential survey.
Focus group participants will be chosen from survey respondents.
Right now focus groups are scheduled at these USA times, and we may add more later to accommodate other time zones:
- Wednesday 9th December – 2pm EST (11am PST)
- Wednesday 9th December – 7pm EST (4pm PST)
- Saturday 12th December – 2pm EST (11am PST)
- Saturday 12th December – 7pm EST (4pm PST)
Hot Octopuss Jett
If you’re not familiar with Hot Octopuss, here’s what I want you to know:
- They make superb vibrators, especially for seniors. Their penis vibrators can be used with or without an erection! See Shamus MacDuff’s reviews of the Pulse Solo Lux and the JETT, especially.
Hot Octopuss Pulse
- I’m the Resident Senior Sexpert of the Hot Octopuss Senior Sex Hub, a resource offering senior sex information, blog posts, and Q&As. Check it out!
Bonding with Betty Dodson
11/8/2020: Betty Dodson died October 31, 2020, at age 91. I’m republishing this post from 7/12/11 to celebrate Betty’s life. Dear Betty, thank you for living audaciously and authentically and for teaching us so much about our right to sexual pleasure!
“There’s that pushy broad who drove me crazy!” I heard from inside Betty Dodson‘s apartment as I rang the doorbell.
Although Betty and I had corresponded by email, and she had written the fabulous foreword to Naked at Our Age, we had never met in person. Now, on this trip to New York in 2011, I was about to have the opportunity and pleasure of spending a couple of hours with this icon of sexual empowerment.
But — “drove me crazy”? Was she referring to me? Her memory was that I pursued her relentlessly until she agreed to write the foreword to Naked, after she told me a thousand times she was too busy.
My memory was that she had told me once that she was too busy. I had said, “Just read the table of contents and one chapter of the manuscript, and then tell me whether you can make time.” She had done so and said, “I’ll do it.”
I laugh at my unreliable memory a lot these days, and so does Betty at almost 83, though she’s as sharp, smart, and witty as any three young people combined, so maybe her version is right. Regardless, she loves the book and believes in my mission.
We bonded immediately. Within two minutes of my arrival, Betty lifted her tunic and flashed her bare booty at me, saying, “I haven’t finished getting dressed yet.”
“Woo hoo! Do that again,” I said, grabbing my cell phone camera. She repeated the action several times so I could get a good photo.
“May I post this on my blog?” I asked, showing Betty the best shot.
“Absolutely not!” she replied. So Betty Dodson’s naked butt resides on my phone photo gallery exclusively — sorry, folks!*
Betty gave me a tour of her apartment and showed me some of her extraordinary artwork. She took a couple of phone calls while I was there, from TV shows and interviewers. She’ll be celebrating her 83rd birthday at a huge event in Norway, is working on video projects, and is in no way slowing down. See her projects on her website: http://dodsonandross.com/.
Betty introduced me to the lively and lovely Carlin Ross, her business partner, who was sitting behind one of the three microphones set up in Betty’s bedroom/office. Carlin informed me that we were recording a podcast together. Oh!
The three of us chatted for an hour about senior sex, sharing and laughing and having a fine time.
I left Betty’s apartment joyful and even more impressed with Betty Dodson than I had been two hours before. What a woman. She called me “sister warrior” in an email after she read Naked at Our Age. On this day, she called me “friend.”
* 11/8/2020 update: Now that Betty is no longer here to object, is it time for me to share her naked butt photo? Nope. I pride myself on being trustworthy. But I’ll show you one of her paintings:
Painting by Betty Dodson
7 Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life
I was asked by a reporter for my best sex tips for better sex life during this time of sheltering in place, especially for couples who have been together for a long time. How many of these have you tried?
1. Take turns during sex. Luxuriate in having your partner’s full attention on you, pleasuring you in the ways that turn you on the most. Then after you’re fully satisfied, turn your attention to your partner. By taking turns instead of trying to please both of you with one activity (which might not be what you want at the moment), you get double the pleasure: yours and your partner’s.
2. Relive memories. Cuddle in bed and ask each other, “What do you remember about our first date?” or “What was our first kiss like for you?” or “When did you know you wanted to go to bed with me?” Describing how you felt when your relationship was new can help recapture those fluttery feelings of lust, even if you’ve been together for decades. Your brain is your main sex organ.
3. Try a new sex toy. There’s a world of sexy orgasm tools out there, and each one can arouse you in a new way. While you’re 
sheltering in place, look at the websites of your favorite sex toy retailer (or discover one of mine in this blog if you don’t have a favorite) and pick out something new. Explore together what it does and how you enjoy using it. Don’t know where to start? My Sex Toys for Seniors webinar is a lively show-and-tell of some of my favorites. Try a new lubricant, too!
4. Use a favorite sex toy in a new way. A vibrator that you use on your clitoris can arouse a penis as well, and nipples, and any erogenous zone. See how many new uses you can find for a toy. Explore! Fun suggestion: blindfold your partner and use a sex toy that your partner doesn’t expect. Or try “Refrigerator Sex“!
5. Gift the pe
nis owner in your life a new vibrator. Whatever your gender, it’s common to need more stimulation for arousal and orgasm as we age. Vibrators for penises such as Hot Octopuss‘s Pulse or JETT or Fun Factory‘s Manta can take your penis of choice to a shattering orgasm while you assist or just watch — and they don’t require an erection for use.
6. Exercise together. Exercise increases blood flow to the genitals as well as to the muscles and brain. Dance in the living room. Take a Zoom exercise class together. Power walk around the block. Chase each other through the house. Exercise before sex can rev up your arousal and make orgasm easier!
7. Talk before, during, and after sex about your desires and pleasures. Ask for what you want. Tell partners what you love about what they do to/for/with you. Talk about new things you’d like to try, fantasies you’d like to explore, new ways you’d like to be touched. Your partner wants to please you, so make it easier to know what you want. Communication is sexy!
Do you have your own favorite sex tips for better sex you’d like to share? Tell us in the comments.