Sex toys “from a senior perspective”?
I’m often asked what I mean when I say that I review sex toys “from a senior perspective.” What’s a “senior perspective” and how do our senior needs differ from younger folks?
- We need vibrators that can go as long as we need to arouse our slow-burning bodies without overheating or running out of charge.
- We want ergonomic sex toys that don’t strain arthritic wrists.
- We need sex toys made from body-safe materials. (Aren’t they all? No.)
- Vulva owners who enjoy vaginal penetration may require a slim fit for comfort.
- Penis owners with erectile challenges need sex toys that don’t require an erection to use it.
- We want to see and differentiate the controls without putting on our reading glasses.
- We want to be able to adjust the controls by touch, despite slippery, lubed fingers.
- Above all, we need intensity: strong vibrations. We’re battling our (lack of) hormones, people.
That’s why I say I review sex toys from a senior perspective. Is there anything you would add to my list?
To see the whole list of vibrators and other sex toys reviewed on this blog, click here. Keep scrolling to “older posts,” because I’ve reviewed a lot of them! You’ll also find my webinar “Sex Toys for Seniors” informative and enjoyable.
I welcome your comments on my reviews, whether you agree or disagree. I’m just one person, and our preferences vary. Whether a toy works for me may depend on “fit” as well as preference, and it’s useful for all of us if you post your own experience in the comments section.
7/19/2020: I’m updating this post from 2011 to answer a reporter’s question. You might have wondered this also!
Anal-yzing and Enjoying Prostate Toys at 76 by Shamus MacDuff
Until a year ago, at age 75, my only anal experiences consisted of childhood enemas administered by my mother and prostate examinations given by my doctor. Prostate massage toys never crossed my mind.
In my naiveté I never considered my anus or my prostate to be erogenous zones. But then I read The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian, and my curiosity was piqued. Wishing to explore and expand my own sexual repertoire, I obtained three prostate toys: Pleasure Plug 1 from Fuze, Pure Wand from njoy, and Helix Trident from Aneros.
I tried each toy with much trepidation and lots of lube, not knowing what to expect. Those initial experiences were disappointing. I had anticipated an immediate “buzz” or feeling of intense sexual excitement, and when I didn’t, I thought prostate play was not for me.
I left those three toys unused in a drawer for many months. Then, still curious, I read Joan Price’s interview of Charlie Glickman, “Prostate Play for Pleasure and Health.” I decided to give the toys another try. This time around, “curiosity thrilled the cat!”
So what had changed?
- I learned that a host of other prostate owners derive great pleasure from stimulation of the prostate.
- I realized that I needed to experiment more.
- I understood that lying prostrate to access my prostate—the position I’d used in my earlier exploration — wasn’t the best position. If instead I inserted the toy while standing, I could alter its placement easily with a hand free for nipple and/or penis play. Introducing any of the toys into my anus from that position brought my penis almost instantly erect, the more so when I moved the toy around or in and out. None of these actions alone produced an orgasm, but they primed me, and a well-lubed hand job led quickly to ejaculation.
The three toys are different.
- The Pleasure Plug is essentially a 4-1/2-inch silicone butt plug—it’s straight, only slightly flexible, and because of the shape, it doesn’t
reach my prostate.
- The Pure Wand is 7-1/2 inches of stainless steel and weighs a hefty 2 pounds. It is curved, so it can be positioned to touch the prostate directly.
The Helix Trident is 4 inches long, made of non-porous FDA-Approved Acetal plastic. It features a special Aneros design that stimulates multiple anal sites. (See more Aneros prostate massagers here.)
Both the Pure Wand and the Helix Trident can be maneuvered to push on, stroke, or massage the prostate to produce extremely pleasurable sensations. Those sensations are quite distinct from penis-oriented ones—they’re deeper, subtler, and more diffuse.
My newfound knowledge led to a fantasy. I imagined how it might feel to insert either the Pure Wand or the Helix Trident while standing erect and having a partner perform fellatio as I wiggled the toy about. To my great joy this fantasy came true! Having inserted the Helix Trident with plenty of lube, I stood over my partner seated on a chair. She played with my penis lovingly while I maneuvered Helix Trident in my anus, and before long I exploded in a wonderful orgasm. The orgasm was so powerful that on release, it mostly extruded the toy!
At age 76 I’ve discovered my prostate and a whole new world of sexual pleasure that I didn’t even know existed. If you experiment, you may also be equally fortunate.
— Shamus MacDuff, age 76, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys for his own pleasure until about two years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read Shamus MacDuff’s other posts.
Hot Octopuss and Joan Price Team Up to Provide Senior Sex Information
I am thrilled to announce this collaboration with a company I’ve admired and endorsed for years. Read what Hot Octopuss has to say about our Senior Sex Hub. — Joan
Sex is Back!
-Over 50s rejoice-
Leading sex toy brand Hot Octopuss brings sex for the over fifties back to the fore with the launch of their Senior Sex hub with the help of ‘Senior Sexpert’ Joan Price
Sex is back! (*well actually it seems it never went away!). Contrary to popular belief, sexual intimacy and enjoyment is alive and kicking amongst the over 50’s. A recent article by USA Today states that “Many adults aged 65-80 are having sex (and most are pretty satisfied)”, the article goes on to say, “Sex is not just for the young: 40% of U.S. adults aged 65-80 say they are having sex — and even more of them, 73%, are satisfied with their sex lives”, the highest satisfaction rate out of any demographic.
A topic often side stepped, it turns out that this demographic is really into sex, so much so that award-winning, London-based sex toy company Hot Octopuss has decided to embrace this by launching a dedicated hub specifically designed to offer these sex positive seniors a sexual well-being destination dedicated to their specific needs.
Leading the charge and directing Hot Octopuss at every turn is world renowned “Senior Sexpert” Joan Price, internationally acclaimed advocate for ageless sexuality, award winning author and now, in-house senior sex expert and ambassador for Hot Octopuss at www.hotoctopuss.com/seniorsex.
Joan Price
Joan comments,
It’s about time that senior sex is brought out of the shadows and who better to do this than in my opinion, the world’s most progressive and inclusive sex toy brand, Hot Octopuss. I’m delighted to be partnering with Hot Octopuss on this exciting project and with my own dedicated “Dear Joan” page, I will personally be there to offer candid advice to fellow seniors https://www.hotoctopuss.com/senior-sex/who have specific questions about better sex. From hot solo senior sex, to arousal and orgasm, or communicating better in a long-term relationship, no subject will be off-limits.
As well as having the chance to receive candid advice from a world leading expert, the hub’s focus will be on providing a one-stop-shop for everything senior sex, providing in-depth coverage of topics such as post-menopausal sex, sex with ageing penises and vulvas, ED, arousal, orgasm and masturbation, as well as offering sex toy tips, suggestions and senior reviews.
Hot Octopuss Co-founder Julia Margo explains,
The sexless seniors stereotype is so outdated and simply untrue. A fifth of the toys we sell on our site are bought by customers aged 55 or over. This, along with my own experience talking to older customers and senior sex experts over the last nine years at Hot Octopuss is that information and tools addressing issues such as menopause, stiff joints and erectile dysfunction can make all the difference to an individual’s sex life as one gets older.
Unfortunately, few sex toy companies discuss any of this, or represent older people in their marketing, which contributes to the misconception that the information is unwanted, whereas this couldn’t be further from the truth. We want to do things differently and understand that no matter how old you are, you are never too old to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. We are really proud to be working with Joan on the launch of our ‘senior sex’ hub to give all our older customers the very best in advice, so that they can continue to enjoy the sex life that they want and deserve throughout their lives.”
The Hot Octopuss Senior Sex hub and Ask Joan pages launch on 5th May 2020.
About Joan Price
Joan Price is the author of four books about sex and ageing, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex and her latest, Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan is known by global media as the voice of senior sex. Her blog has been offering sex news, views and reviews since 2005. Aged 76, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex, partnered or solo.
About Hot Octopuss
Founded in 2013, this award-winning, London-based brand designs innovative, cutting edge sex toys that not only look gorgeous, but are designed to work with the body. They passionately believe that pleasure is a fundamental right for everyone. Their sex toys have been taken back to the drawing board, and are developed using real people, some serious science and ingenious designs. Their collection of unique toys have been designed for everybody so whether you’re cis, trans, non-binary, have limited mobility or are older, there’s a Hot Octopuss toy to suit.
Solo Sex is Real Sex
March 2020: I’m spotlighting this post, originally written for Valentine’s Day 2016, for a couple of reasons: (1) I have so many new readers now; (2) This post drew some marvelous reader comments, and I hope to encourage more!
“We need to acknowledge that solo sex (solo masturbation) is real sex,” I asserted, and ten people in the audience quoted me on Twitter immediately. I was speaking at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in August 2015. This was my first time attending Woodhull, and it was an amazing experience:
The Sexual Freedom Summit features human rights activists, sexuality educators and researchers, professionals from the legal and medical fields, authors, sexual freedom movement leaders and organizational partners all working toward the time when sexual freedom is fully recognized as a fundamental human right.
It seems to me that “sexual freedom” includes freeing ourselves from our society’s outdated notions, especially as they restrict us, as seniors, from full sexual expression. No one is standing at our bedroom door proclaiming, “Thou shalt not masturbate” — at least I hope not — but many of us have internalized the idea that giving ourselves sexual pleasure is wrong, or a depressing substitute for “real” — aka “partner” — sex.
At our age, accepting self-pleasuring as “real” sex is even more important than it was in our youth. Here are some reasons:
- Many of us do not have a sexual partner at this time of our lives.
- Many of us who do have a partner are not able to have full sexual expression with that partner, due to medical or relationship issues.
- Our retreating hormones and decreased blood flow make it easy to forget about sex because there’s less urgency. Yet the less we experience arousal and orgasm, the more difficult it is to get there when we want to.
- Our responses change as we age, and the most direct way to stay in tune with what we need for sexual pleasure is to experiment with our own hands — and, of course, sex toys.
- Sexual arousal and orgasm are good for physical and emotional health. In The Ultimate Guide to Sex after 50, I list 33 reasons why sex is good for you — and by sex, I mean with or without a partner.
For those of you who would tell me (as people do, surprisingly), “Hey, masturbation is inferior to sex with a loving partner,” I would answer, “There’s nothing inferior about sex with the person who knows you best.” Plus the obvious — “How nice that you have a loving partner. Many of us don’t.”
Whether we’re pleasuring ourselves because it’s sex with ourselves or no sex, or we enjoy private sex, or maybe we just want to have fantasy sex with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, let’s agree that solo sex is not only real sex — it’s delightful sex.
Readers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page (which I hope you’ll “like”), had this to add:
- We are 58 and 57 and we both enjoy solo sex. Sometimes, we do it together. Watching can be quite erotic but more often, we’ll do it before bed (usually separately in that case) to help us sleep. Mrs. has a variety of vibrators and we’re both definitely in favor. – Mr. and Mrs. Average Joe, erotica author.
- I’m a 67 y.o. man, and in the famous words of Woody Allen, I’m good at sex (with women) because I practice a lot when I ‘m alone. (;-). Seriously, it has a lot to do with why I’m still so erotically alive. And yes, incorporating mutual self-stimulation into play with partners is really exciting, and in some ways can feel even more emotionally intimate than PIV [penis in vagina].
- I’m 53. I have been going solo for the past 11 years (not by choice), now that I am single I am looking forward to having a partner once again. The solo sex has been a necessity!
- I am 50. In my community sex is forbidden to singles and there is controversy about whether masturbation, therefore, is ‘sinful.’ My stance is masturbation is not sinful and not forbidden to those of us who are unmarried. I think “Solo Sex is Real Sex” but my Christian community may not accept such a statement.
- I am 58 and flown solo for quite a few years. On the one hand, it’s nice because I know all the best places and the exact technique. On the other, it’s obviously not as much fun as having a partner. However, that’s not always possible and I much prefer it over climbing into bed with a jerk. I wish I had more money for some of the great toys you’ve shown. I might never want a partner again if I did.
As Valentine’s Day approaches (note: I originally wrote this post for Valentine’s Day) and we’re bombarded with commercial messages about how to make the day more romantic with our loved one (soft lighting, mellow music, gifts of chocolate and roses included), let’s remember this:
Love starts with how we feel about ourselves, how giving and patient and accepting and loving we can be with the person who’s been in our life the longest. Let’s celebrate that with our own special touch (so to speak).