by Shamus MacDuff
Sunlight streams through the window by her bed,
And shimmers off her hummingbird feeder just outside.
Clad only in pearl necklaces, she emerges from the shower
With a welcoming smile that beckons me join her in bed.
Feeling both the sun’s warmth and hers, I quickly comply.
My thoughtful lover has assembled sex toys and lube,
As we lie down together, kissing, stroking, and giggling.
Soothing sunlight dapples our nipples and softens our
Old people wrinkles and blemishes as we cling together.
We are again young in the sun, two bodies eager for touch.
Our preference is taking turns pleasuring one another,
With full focus first on one person, and then on the other.
Pleasuring and being pleasured in full sunshine is a treat
In that beautiful wood-paneled bedroom where we meet.
Slowly, gently, lovingly, we exchange climaxes in the sun.
Filled with afterglow, when spooning, we catch movement
Out the window as an iridescent hummingbird hovers.
While we hug and talk we count the hummers’ visits,
Thrilling over how they glisten in the sun’s afternoon rays.
Their allure accentuates the radiance of our own sunny love.
— Shamus MacDuff, 1/23/21
by Shamus MacDuff
My first dry orgasm surprised me. I was reveling in the myriad delightful sensations of my orgasm, when my partner observed that there was no semen. Really? It felt the same as other orgasms with ejaculation. This struck me as unusual or even unnatural. My partner reassured me that a “dry orgasm in men” was normal – the first I’d heard that term! I didn’t know then that ejaculation is unnecessary to experience orgasm.
“Ejaculation is an event that takes place in the penis,” explains Dr. Andrew Siegel. “Orgasm occurs in the brain.” Occasional orgasms without ejaculation — “dry orgasms” — are common as we age, and in most cases are no cause for alarm. A dry orgasm occurs when a penis owner reaches sexual climax without ejaculation — no fluid emerges from the penis.
As penis owners, we’re used to sexual climax involving these components:
- Emission (secretions deposited into the urethra)
- Ejaculation (contractions of the pelvic floor muscles that push the seminal fluid out the urethra in an explosive eruption)
- Orgasm (the intense emotional feelings that accompany the physical act of ejaculation)
Many of us are surprised and worried the first time we have a dry orgasm. Thankfully, in most cases, there’s nothing to fret about. It is quite common to climax and ejaculate “wetly” in some sexual encounters, and to orgasm “dryly” on other occasions.
Like me, most penis owners experience intense pleasure when orgasming, whether it’s wet or dry. Dry orgasms happen normally from time to time. Their frequency increases with age, as they accompany other age-related changes. Michael Castleman, sex journalist for 46 years and author of Sizzling Sex for Life: How to Maximize Erotic Pleasure at Any Age, explains,
“Menopausal women notice vaginal dryness and atrophy. Men notice that the volume of fluid in their ejaculations gradually declines, and in some men over 70, more or less disappears.”
With aging, the prostate gland enlarges. The pelvic floor muscles also weaken, diminishing the power of ejaculation. These are normal age changes and may contribute to dry orgasms. There’s usually no reason for worry about the occasional dry orgasm. However, if you begin to experience dry orgasms regularly, consult a doctor to find out what might be causing this.
Some medical conditions may contribute to frequent dry orgasms, such as surgery to remove the prostate as a treatment for prostate cancer. As Michael Castleman notes, “Afterwards, they still come, but any seminal fluid spurts not out of the penis, but backwards into the bladder, where it mixes with urine and leaves the body during urination.”
Medical causes for dry orgasms include
- Removal of the prostate and seminal glands
- Laser prostate surgery
- Radiotherapy to treat prostate cancer
- Operations for testicular and bladder cancer
- Multiple sclerosis
- Spinal cord injuries
- Some drugs, such as Flomax to control urinary problems and various blood pressure and psychiatric medications
- Severe emotional stress and other situational psychological issues
All of us experience changes in our sexual selves as we age. We take longer to reach an erection (here’s where sex toys and lubricants can assist!), and our erections are not as firm or reliable as they once were. Our refractory period after ejaculation increases, and the amount of ejaculate we produce decreases. On occasion, we don’t produce seminal fluid, and we experience a dry orgasm.
All of this is simply a normal part of growing older and no cause for upset. I find that when my own dry orgasms occur, they are every bit as powerful and satisfying as their juicier and more frequent counterparts. I wish you the same. And, if you’re still worried, consider this comment from Michael Castleman:
“Dry orgasm has advantages. No wet spot. Women who never liked semen in their mouths and/or swallowing can provide fellatio more happily. And older men can self-sex with less messy evidence to dispose of. The key thing is to alert older men that this happens, that it’s normal and no big deal.”
I invite you to comment and share your own experience with dry orgasms.
- “Ejaculation: What to Expect As You Age,” New Jersey Urology
- “Is It Normal, Doc? Five Changes All Men Experience as They Age,” Tower Urology
- “Should Men Worry About Dry Orgasms?” Sexual Medicine Society of North America
- “Dry Orgasm: Why It Happens and What You Can Do,” Healthline
— Shamus MacDuff, age 77, has been writing for this blog since 2017, when he wrote the popular post, “Sex without Penetration: A Man’s View.” Since then, he has become my reviewer of sex toys for penis owners. Read Shamus MacDuff’s other posts.
Old People Sex
(with apologies to T.S. Eliot)
by Shamus MacDuff
It starts with talk—a conversation—
At which we set a date for play
Often a day or two away.
Time passes, anticipation simmers,
Thoughts unfold, excitement builds,
And then the chosen time arrives!
Showers happen, nothing’s rushed.
Sheets are pulled back, lube’s at hand,
And sex toys to match our ken.
We begin with talk—a loving flirtation—
Back and forth about who’ll go first,
Taking turns is very sexy!
The receiver makes requests; the giver
Complies gladly. Our “joint undertaking”
May require repositioned stiff knees.
Kissing, touching, then more kissing,
And more touching, all slow and easy,
No hurried strokes, no rush.
Responsive desire fires mutual pleasure,
Slow, gentle, sensuous, and exhilarating,
Spiced with smiles and laughter.
Activities vary, we experiment as we play.
PIV seldom happens; other ways
Prove more pleasurable and fun.
We finish with orgasms, hugs, spooning,
And more conversation—sharing thoughts about
Our past and present lives.
And this is how our date ends, this is how our date ends
This is how our date ends,
Not with a bang, but a cuddle.
Until a year ago, at age 75, my only anal experiences consisted of childhood enemas administered by my mother and prostate examinations given by my doctor. Prostate massage toys never crossed my mind.
In my naiveté I never considered my anus or my prostate to be erogenous zones. But then I read The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian, and my curiosity was piqued. Wishing to explore and expand my own sexual repertoire, I obtained three prostate toys: Pleasure Plug 1 from Fuze, Pure Wand from njoy, and Helix Trident from Aneros.
I tried each toy with much trepidation and lots of lube, not knowing what to expect. Those initial experiences were disappointing. I had anticipated an immediate “buzz” or feeling of intense sexual excitement, and when I didn’t, I thought prostate play was not for me.
I left those three toys unused in a drawer for many months. Then, still curious, I read Joan Price’s interview of Charlie Glickman, “Prostate Play for Pleasure and Health.” I decided to give the toys another try. This time around, “curiosity thrilled the cat!”
So what had changed?
- I learned that a host of other prostate owners derive great pleasure from stimulation of the prostate.
- I realized that I needed to experiment more.
- I understood that lying prostrate to access my prostate—the position I’d used in my earlier exploration — wasn’t the best position. If instead I inserted the toy while standing, I could alter its placement easily with a hand free for nipple and/or penis play. Introducing any of the toys into my anus from that position brought my penis almost instantly erect, the more so when I moved the toy around or in and out. None of these actions alone produced an orgasm, but they primed me, and a well-lubed hand job led quickly to ejaculation.
The three toys are different.
- The Pleasure Plug is essentially a 4-1/2-inch silicone butt plug—it’s straight, only slightly flexible, and because of the shape, it doesn’t reach my prostate.
- The Pure Wand is 7-1/2 inches of stainless steel and weighs a hefty 2 pounds. It is curved, so it can be positioned to touch the prostate directly.
- The Helix Trident is 4 inches long, made of non-porous FDA-Approved Acetal plastic. It features a special Aneros design that stimulates multiple anal sites. (See more Aneros prostate massagers here.)
Both the Pure Wand and the Helix Trident can be maneuvered to push on, stroke, or massage the prostate to produce extremely pleasurable sensations. Those sensations are quite distinct from penis-oriented ones—they’re deeper, subtler, and more diffuse.
My newfound knowledge led to a fantasy. I imagined how it might feel to insert either the Pure Wand or the Helix Trident while standing erect and having a partner perform fellatio as I wiggled the toy about. To my great joy this fantasy came true! Having inserted the Helix Trident with plenty of lube, I stood over my partner seated on a chair. She played with my penis lovingly while I maneuvered Helix Trident in my anus, and before long I exploded in a wonderful orgasm. The orgasm was so powerful that on release, it mostly extruded the toy!
At age 76 I’ve discovered my prostate and a whole new world of sexual pleasure that I didn’t even know existed. If you experiment, you may also be equally fortunate.
— Shamus MacDuff, age 76, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys for his own pleasure until about two years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read Shamus MacDuff’s other posts.