Private Gym: Kegels for men — with penis weights!
I’ve stressed the importance of pelvic floor (AKA Kegel) exercises for both male and female anatomies, but I admit that I haven’t given as much focus to male bodies. Now there’s a complete exercise program for male pelvic muscle training — Private Gym — including weight training for the penis!Stronger pelvic muscles give you more blood flow to the penis, stronger and more rigid erections, better urinary and rectal control, and stronger orgasms and ejaculatory force. Like any other muscles, they respond to strength training. Private Gym offers both a “basic” and a “complete” training program.
Both include a DVD, an instruction manual, and a book, Male Pelvic Fitness: Optimizing Sexual & Urinary Health. The book presents a ton of anatomical and sexual function information, plus cool factoids that you can throw out at a sex-positive dinner party, such as what “phallocarps” are and which animal ejaculates 4-5 gallons of semen.
This program lets you learn and practice the step-by-stem program with a follow-along DVD. It’s very well done, with clear illustrations and explanations. (I would have preferred it without the background music, though, which I found repetitive and distracting.)
The difference between the programs? The basic gives you a 4-week, progressive, step-by-step program. It’s good, especially for pelvic floor training beginners.
However, I recommend the complete program, which includes the basic plus additional exercises and 4 weeks of resistance training, which you do with the included weights. (Only the complete program includes the weights.)
Yes, weights. You put the weighted ring on your penis and perform the squeeze-release exercises (both slow and rapid) along with the DVD. As your pelvic muscles strengthen, you can add the additional weight which attaches magnetically. You’ll need a rigid erection (with or without medication) in order to use the weights. (You don’t need a rigid erection for the basic program.)
I know, penis weights may seem like a gimmick. But they’re not, I assure you. Don’t take my word for it — here’s what my 57-year-old male tester had to say:
It’s great. It takes you through the things you can do to build up those muscles. This program with your choice of a male or female voice tells you exactly how, when, and for how long, and gives you a signal that makes it so much easier. It’s like the reason you hire a fitness trainer – sure, you can lift weights on your own, but a trainer helps you.
The book is great because it talks about why you’re doing this and gives background information, in easy to understand terms.
When you get more advanced, you can use the weight system. The weights are comfortable, easy to slip on, and they work.
The whole program is well thought out, and very easy and comfortable to use. It’s a great system. I think it would benefit just about anybody.
I was having trouble with getting erections. Using this program, my erections became as firm on their own as when I was using Viagra!
Thank you, Private Gym, for sending me this program for my tester and me to review. This is a powerful tool, especially the complete program, because the weights can make a huge difference.
Womanizer Clitoral Stimulator: Clitoral suction!
2021 update: This first version of the Womanizer is no longer available (mine should go in a museum), but later versions without the garish decoration and thumb-stabbing jewel are sure to delight! I’m keeping this review (after removing the dead links) because it’s fun to see this original version. Check out LoveHoney’s newest Womanizers.
The Womanizer from LoveHoney.com is a sex toy that sucks your clitoris — and that’s a rock-your-world sensation!
Let’s get this part out of the way first, though — this is the ugliest, tackiest looking sex toy that has ever graced my nightstand. It looks like a design by sixth graders assigned to figure out what a girly ear thermometer might look like. It’s a garish shade of fuschia, with animal print decoration. The “+” button is a fake jewel.
And the name — Womanizer. Seriously?
And yet… it’s wonderful! This magical sex toy isn’t quite a vibrator, although it does vibrate. The essence of its power is suction. Position it so that the silicone attachment surrounds the nub of the clitoris, turn it on, and waves of gentle suction tug around the clitoris. It’s an exquisite feeling. And yes, the rhythmic suction does lead to orgasm. Oh yes, it does.
This might be a deal breaker for you: it’s very expensive, about $200. (Yes, it should be less ugly for that price.) But if the idea of having your clitoris gently and rhythmically sucked for as long as you want makes you squirm, save up for it. It’s worth it.
The Womanizer charges via USB, so there are no cords to wrestle with while you’re using it. It comes in a hard case in an unattractive shade of bubble gum pink.
The silicone part that nibbles and sucks your clitoris comes off for easy cleaning, and there’s an extra in the case in case you need it. One caveat — the manual says that you can use silicone lubricant, but you cannot. The tip, which is the part you need lubed, is silicone, so use water-based lubricant with it.
Bottom line — Give me that clitoral suction sensation — I love it. I can get past ugly by closing my eyes.
Thank you, LoveHoney.com, for sending me the Womanizer.
Daring to Date Again by Ann Anderson Evans
3/11/15 update: This Sunday, March 15, I’ll have the pleasure of being on a panel with Ann Anderson Evans called “Never Too Late to Date” at the Tucson Festival of Books. I’m moving this post, originally published 11/13/14, to the top so that you all know about Ann’s book and our discussion of safer sex:
When a sixty-year-old, twice-divorced woman starts to date again, she’s not pinning her hopes on an invitation to the prom. She is financially stable and professionally creditialed. She is a matriarch, a pillar of her church, a member of a choir. She has children and neighbors who might disapprove. She has a lot at stake.
So begins Daring to Date Again, a lusty memoir by Ann Anderson Evans about looking for romp-in-the-hay partners after 12 years of celibacy.
Evans is smart, sassy, articulate, and a darned good writer, pulling you right into her adventures. You’ll laugh, empathize, and sometimes worry as she jumps into bed with her Mr. Right-for-the-Moment parade. She wears her heart on her sleeve—or she wears nothing at all—and we share her adventures, her thoughts, her desires, and her evolution from repressed and unhappy to evolved, sexy, and joyful.
Evans finds many men who are interested in having no-strings sex with her, but towards the end of the book, she wonders whether true love even exists — and if so, where is it hiding? I’m not ruining the book by telling you that she meets Terry — a fellow professor and a bachelor at 63. They fall in love and marry. But that’s not until the last chapter!
I enjoyed this well-written book, and I recommend it to you, whether you’re exploring sexual possibilities yourself or you just want to share her escapades vicariously.
However! As a safer-sex advocate, I was concerned because there was no mention of safer sex or any discussions of condom use with the men Evans bedded. I questioned her — no, they never used protection. Then I challenged her to explain her decision(s). She wrote this to me:
Joan chided me for not mentioning safe sex in Daring to Date Again. Logic suggests that simply interrogating a man regarding his sexual health is not sufficient protection, but that is what I relied upon. Why was I more concerned about cleaning the chopping block after cutting up chicken than about having unprotected sex? Why would I maintain the prophylactic habits of regular dental visits and colonoscopies, and yet have unprotected sex? Good question, Joan.
Indulgence was part of it. Pregnancy had been such a persistent worry when I was a young woman that having sex spontaneously was a joy. It was like winning the lottery.
Growing up in the 50s and 60s, I was taught either nothing or nonsense about sex. The bogus teachings were embedded in religion. “Chastity is the cement of civilization,” I read in the Christian Science scriptural companion, the Science & Health, when I was a student in a Christian Science college. I closed that book and have never reopened it.
The nonsense of the times I grew up in was also embedded in school. My only sex education was a couple of gender-divided classes in 7th grade that explained menstruation twinned with the unforgettable fact that when we brushed our teeth we should also be careful to brush our tongues. I was stunned when I got pregnant at 18. I thought I had to want to become pregnant in order to be so.
Between the church and school, I felt manipulated, demeaned, and endangered. Many of those who matured in the 60s rose up in mighty defiance of the bullying traditions of ignorance. In answering Joan’s challenge, I am surprised at my resurgence of anger when I think back.
Perhaps unconsciously, I placed barrier protection during sex in the basket which also included the bogus virtues of chastity, heterosexuality, sitting primly with your legs crossed, wearing a girdle, avoiding nudity, and virginity upon marriage. These virtues are so often ignored that they can only be seen as vacuous wishes. My failure to protect myself was a visceral, instinctive, and senseless act of defiance.
I take responsibility for my own actions, but it would have been helpful if the doctors (including gynecologists) had asked me if I was sexually active during that time. One general practitioner did ask me, and when I told him I had had sex with four men within the last two years he sidestepped the issue, saying, “I think you should talk to your gynecologist about that.”
I sympathize with the doctors. Discussions of sex with patients are probably minefields of religion, politics, family tradition, and personal history. But the medical profession has obviously given up the fight. How often do you see an ad for condoms displayed in your doctor’s office alongside the latest drug for depression or high blood pressure?
I felt embattled during my three years of promiscuity. Not one of the men I was involved with ever mentioned using a condom. If any of them had one in their pocket, they didn’t mention it. Joan might be better equipped to say whether men are just as likely as women to insist on condom use. In my experience, this has not been the case.
The problem of unprotected sex is far more pervasive than that of a single American raised before the Enlightenment. Our failure to identify and rectify the sociological, psychological, historical, and political reasons why people do not use condoms or other barriers has guaranteed that AIDS and other STDs continue worldwide. Saying the answer is education is simplistic. Why we don’t use them is baffling. The reason begins in the outside world of church, school, family, and government policy and all of these play themselves out in the bedroom.
Thank you, Ann, for your eloquent explanation. I can’t help hoisting my 4’10” self up onto my soapbox again to remind my readers: Have all the fun you want, but please have it safely!
Listen to Evans read an excerpt from Daring to Date Again here.Female Desire Pill, interview with Ellen Barnard
2/27/15 update: I interviewed Ellen Barnard about the female desire pill on 2/2/14. I’m bringing this post to the top because of the attention that “Nothing Is Wrong With Your Sex Drive” (published today in the New York Times) is getting.
I plan to write more about this myself, and there’s a good section already in The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life which I hope you’ll want to read. — Joan
Desire in a pill?
(originally published 2/2/14)
Researchers are working on drugs to treat low desire in women. Could a desire pill really work? Do we even want it? To learn more, I interviewed one of the top sex educators, Ellen Barnard, co-owner of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Center.
JP: What’s the state of current research into a female desire drug?
EB: A variety of drugs are being investigated in clinical trials, most in phase 2 trials. No drug has been approved for the treatment of low desire for women, also known as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).
JP: How are these drugs supposed to work?
EB: Some of these drugs work on brain chemicals; some are sex hormone-based (testosterone); others primarily work to increase physical arousal through an increase in blood to the clitoris. Most of the medications that are being investigated are designed to either overcome inhibition or lack of motivation, or flood the person with such strong physical sensations that she cannot ignore them easily. Or they manipulate the reward system of the brain in ways that increase the drive toward that sexual jackpot. The question is whether a drug that pushes a woman into being more interested in sex is safe, healthy, or would even be effective over the long term. Many of the drugs being investigated have a variety of side effects, and some are quite undesirable. Testosterone can cause excess hair growth, acne, lowering of the voice, and a decrease in good cholesterol, for example. Other drugs show the potential for abuse, either by the woman herself or by a partner who hopes to have a more willing lover.
JP: Why is sexual desire so complicated for women and seemingly so easy for men?
EB: It isn’t, actually. Men have troubles with desire too, and their issues have many of the same origins as women’s do. However, we live in a culture that reinforces men for a high interest in sex, and generally does not see a high interest in sex to be a positive thing in women, unless a woman is less interested in sex than her partner, and that lower interest causes tension between them or distress in her. But even with culture condoning high desire for men, approximately 20% experience low desire. For more info, here is a good overview.
JP: How does female desire work?
EB: Desire is the cognitive recognition of sexual interest. So it’s an idea, not a physiologic process, though it results in a combination of brain and body responses. Desire may be first recognized as a thought, or it may be a thought in response to a physical feeling. Many women believe that we should feel something first, that sex starts with a twinge in the vulva or elsewhere in the body, that she interprets as sexual interest and then allows to blossom into more sexual interest and then maybe into sexual activity. If physiologic signal is not as obvious because of aging, health, or stress, she may no longer get the signal, and so she does not notice the thought.
Women who have experienced sex as painful have a feedback loop that tells them that sex will hurt, and so they shut off any thought of sex to avoid the pain. If a woman is able to get rid of the pain, she will still have to convince her subconscious that sex is safe. Once she does that, her thoughts of sexual interest often become more frequent.
The same would be true of relationship health. For a woman in a healthy, rewarding relationship, the thought of sex is a safe thought and is likely to mean that she will experience pleasure if she acts on that thought, so she pursues sexual activity. Sex requires the feeling of safety. When there is tension, distrust, fear, anger, etc., the mind does not perceive sex as safe or pleasurable, so will not express desire.
When you think about how complicated desire is for women (and men as well), you can see that it’s pretty complicated to consider a medication to address the root causes of most of these issues.
JP: What’s the bottom line?
EB: The bottom line is that drugs do best when there is a single, knowable cause for a symptom and the drug directly addresses that cause by reducing or removing it. Sexual
desire is complicated, varies a lot from person to person, and has many moving parts. The idea that a drug could be developed to change desire is pretty far-fetched once you understand it that way, and one of our biggest fears is that you end up with a drug that has pretty wide effects and some nasty, unintended side effects.
We would prefer to address desire issues in ways that give individuals more control and more understanding of their mind and body connections so that they can do their own
problem-solving and not be reliant on a pill or a doctor. Most people can increase their experience of desire through a combination of getting healthy, having a good body image, having a safe and trusting intimate relationship, getting enough sleep, lowering stress and distractions, reducing pain, and learning how to have pleasurable sexual experiences on a regular basis.